Yesterday, ice and 20 degree temps kept my son out of school and me at home. This morning was very heavy with fog and there were patches of ice on the sidewalks, but otherwise it was a good walk. I have prayed the rosary as of this morning for 29 days in a row.
For the past couple of days, I have felt the urge to make a whole gift of myself to the Lord - to consecrate myself entirely to Him for His purposes. Last night, I was praying again for this and then asked God to show me the words He had for me. I opened it up to the Gospel passage about Peter's denial of Christ. It seemed to me that Christ was asking me whether I truly thought I was strong enough, faithful enough, ready enough for the cup of suffering that would come as a result. I know myself, and I know that I am a much weaker person even than Peter was, so I told the Lord that though I knew I was not strong enough, nor faithful enough, nor ready enough if He would only lend me His strength to face the coming ordeals, I would not disappoint Him.
I think this must have pleased the Lord, for this morning His word opened to the Book of Judith. One woman, her maidservant, and the Lord face an army bent on destroying the people of the Lord and emerge victorious. Evil holds the people of America in sway, and they cannot fight it for they are deluded by it.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The Battle Rages On
Today is Barrack Obama's inaguration as President of the United States. In some senses, it is a victory for us as a nation for we have our first African American president. For we who are Christian and pro-life, it is the gravest tragedy, however - a sounding of the end to any hint of moderation and an open declaration of intent to not just continue but increase the bloodshed which has been going on since 1973. Fifty million babies aborted in the US alone - an entire NATION put to death for the crime of having been conceived and nothing more. Worldwide the figure is 859 million and growing. My heart grieves for the world. I know God will not permit this to continue indefinitely.
On a much happier note, last night my husband suggested - on his own & without my prompting - that he start getting up when I do, we make the bed together, and then pray together. Praise God for all that He has done! He also told me that he intends to begin attending daily mass with me once he has been confirmed. WOW!! 19 days of praying the rosary.
On a much happier note, last night my husband suggested - on his own & without my prompting - that he start getting up when I do, we make the bed together, and then pray together. Praise God for all that He has done! He also told me that he intends to begin attending daily mass with me once he has been confirmed. WOW!! 19 days of praying the rosary.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Pray That You Can Be Made New
This weekend, my husband attended RCIA for the first time. Bill is coming over tonight so that he and Randy can get to know one another better and work on catching him up to speed. What a grace!
Last night, my husband revealed to me his anxieties about the future, and his feelings of inadequacy because he is unable to fully provide for us. I began to pray for him. During mass this morning, I got the message loud and clear: pray that you can be made new so that you can properly handle the prosperity I desire to pour into you.
Dear God,
I have heard your message to me and to my beloved. How well I know our need to be made new, crafted and fashioned in your image and likeness! Yet I also know that we have within us attachment to sin and wilfulness against obedience which hobbles us and prevents us from freely following you.
Lord, I desire to please you but my own desire for pleasure and comfort blinds my heart to the pains which my selfishness causes you. I am not ready to be made new because my heart is made of stone. So, Father, I do not ask you to give me prosperity, because I am all to o aware of my need to be made new for you. I do not ask you to make me new because my heart is not sincere in desire for this. I ask, instead, that you give me a heart to desire the changes I need to make to become new. I ask you to remove from me the selfishness that blinds me to the pain I cause you with my behavior. I ask you to teach me to be truly, sincerely contrite for my sins. I ask you to help me to clearly see the damage I do when sinning, not only to myself, but to others as well. I love you, Lord, but I do not love you as much as I should. Please change my heart so that I can be ready to be made new.
Love, your daughter,
Brandy
P.S. Please help me to have perfect trust in you.
Last night, my husband revealed to me his anxieties about the future, and his feelings of inadequacy because he is unable to fully provide for us. I began to pray for him. During mass this morning, I got the message loud and clear: pray that you can be made new so that you can properly handle the prosperity I desire to pour into you.
Dear God,
I have heard your message to me and to my beloved. How well I know our need to be made new, crafted and fashioned in your image and likeness! Yet I also know that we have within us attachment to sin and wilfulness against obedience which hobbles us and prevents us from freely following you.
Lord, I desire to please you but my own desire for pleasure and comfort blinds my heart to the pains which my selfishness causes you. I am not ready to be made new because my heart is made of stone. So, Father, I do not ask you to give me prosperity, because I am all to o aware of my need to be made new for you. I do not ask you to make me new because my heart is not sincere in desire for this. I ask, instead, that you give me a heart to desire the changes I need to make to become new. I ask you to remove from me the selfishness that blinds me to the pain I cause you with my behavior. I ask you to teach me to be truly, sincerely contrite for my sins. I ask you to help me to clearly see the damage I do when sinning, not only to myself, but to others as well. I love you, Lord, but I do not love you as much as I should. Please change my heart so that I can be ready to be made new.
Love, your daughter,
Brandy
P.S. Please help me to have perfect trust in you.
Friday, January 16, 2009
REJOICE!
Today I received great news! Monsignor Duesman has given my husband permission to receive his sacraments at Easter Vigil this year!! How great is our God! I cried I was so happy when I heard the news.
It is my 16th day of praying the rosary, my 16th day of living out my New Year's resolutions ( I made 20 of them). Last night, after paying the rent, we put $200 in the bank. On Randy's recommendation, I kept out $49 in cash for emergencies. I resisted the temptation to eat out and took the time to fix soup instead. I resisted the temptation to buy a book on the lives of the saints and spent time writing instead.
Today I find myself resisting the temptation to spend money celebrating, as I know that would only ultimately lead to sorrow and guilt later. Truthfully, I intend to put the money into our account so that I am not tempted to spend what I do not have. I also packed myself a lunch for the same reason. I am learning how to walk in ways that keep me safely away from my tree of temptation so that in all things I may please the Lord more and more each day.
It is my 16th day of praying the rosary, my 16th day of living out my New Year's resolutions ( I made 20 of them). Last night, after paying the rent, we put $200 in the bank. On Randy's recommendation, I kept out $49 in cash for emergencies. I resisted the temptation to eat out and took the time to fix soup instead. I resisted the temptation to buy a book on the lives of the saints and spent time writing instead.
Today I find myself resisting the temptation to spend money celebrating, as I know that would only ultimately lead to sorrow and guilt later. Truthfully, I intend to put the money into our account so that I am not tempted to spend what I do not have. I also packed myself a lunch for the same reason. I am learning how to walk in ways that keep me safely away from my tree of temptation so that in all things I may please the Lord more and more each day.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Learning to Trust You
This morning, Ginger told me that she had put in for me to receive some additional money on my next check due to my willingness to be helpful with any project I'm given. I give all praise to God who is teaching me to have a true servant's heart and to be faithful in my work. She has no idea how much this extra will mean to us.
Today is my 15th day of keeping my New Year's resolutions. I have prayed the rosary each day, we have overdrafted the account only 5 times, eaten out only 3 times, I have only had 2 sodas, I have written an average of 175 words per night, and I have been progressing through the Preparation for Total Consecration again. We have also resisted taking out a new payday loan. I don't know how we will make ends meet, but I am trying to trust that God will provide for us. We are $2000 short of everything we need.
Today is my 15th day of keeping my New Year's resolutions. I have prayed the rosary each day, we have overdrafted the account only 5 times, eaten out only 3 times, I have only had 2 sodas, I have written an average of 175 words per night, and I have been progressing through the Preparation for Total Consecration again. We have also resisted taking out a new payday loan. I don't know how we will make ends meet, but I am trying to trust that God will provide for us. We are $2000 short of everything we need.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Pride and Humility
Last night I got a letter notifying me that one of my Christmas songs - A King Is Born - has been selected for a Director's Award (basically Honorable Mention) and is in the running for 1st or 2nd prize. I was excited. I hadn't won any prize money yet - just a ribbon - but at least it was recognition. They included a brochure offering a $20 rebate on the fees they charge to produce a professional song demo - between $200 and $500 per song - and a contract saying that I agree to give 5% royalties made back to them. Of course, when I showed Randy, his only comment was, "You do realize they are charging you money," like I can't read or am too stupid to comprehend what I do read.
No congratulations, no encouragement, no words of praise. I didn't say anything except, "I love you," and went to bed. I know he can't help himself. I do. I know he's going to do this every time. It's just part of who he is. I just wish it didn't have to hurt so much when he did it. I try to tell myself that this is God's way of humbling me, and I should be grateful for it, but it is a struggle. Perhaps that's my biggest clue that I still need to work on my pride. Were I humble enough to not to seek his admiration and approval, I would not then be so hurt when I did not find it.
No congratulations, no encouragement, no words of praise. I didn't say anything except, "I love you," and went to bed. I know he can't help himself. I do. I know he's going to do this every time. It's just part of who he is. I just wish it didn't have to hurt so much when he did it. I try to tell myself that this is God's way of humbling me, and I should be grateful for it, but it is a struggle. Perhaps that's my biggest clue that I still need to work on my pride. Were I humble enough to not to seek his admiration and approval, I would not then be so hurt when I did not find it.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
God Be Praised
This week is a very special week for me! My husband has told me he is ready to commit to being Catholic. What a huge difference a year has made. Even just a month ago he was telling me he would NEVER be Catholic and NEVER believe in God. It amazes me that there is a God who so loves us that, rather than allowing such things to build walls, he uses them as tools to move mountains. There is no joy in my heart to surpass this, for all is right in my world. He even asked me about how to become a deacon!
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