Well, it's been a long time since my last post in large part due to the fact that we lost internet access after struggling for a long time with financial problems (as mentioned in a previous post). A lot has happened since that time, and we have been experiencing God's grace in abundance!
First, Randy (my husband) has told me that he feels a desire to know God and to believe in God but he hasn't figured out whether that desire is coming from God or from a desire to please me. If he converts, he wants it to be because of God and not because of me. This is a relief on my part. He has begun to pray spontaneously at moments of stress and has also taken me to adoration on his own without any suggestion from me and then sat with me, asking God for answers in the presence of the Lord.
Second, we have been given a huge financial blessing by a CRHP sister of mine, which has given us hope that we may yet climb out of the financial hole in which we find ourselves. The bank has worked against us, though, and held the check she wrote causing 2 items to bounce which shouldn't have. Those two things were groceries and rent - costing us not only $70 in overdraft fees from our bank but incurring for us an additional $155 in overdraft fees and late fees from the grocery store and the apartment complex. These are the times when I grow very weary of working with nothing to show for it, as most of what I have gets eaten up by fees before I can claim it. These are also the moments when I am utterly convinced that CLASP (Comprehensive Life Achievement Skills Program) needs to be brought to fruition. Without comprehensive help to get out from underneath the circumstances that brought them to the point in their lives where they are, those in poverty simply cannot succeed. We cannot afford to neglect helping those in poverty, for in helping them we help ourselves.
On the brighter side of life, I discovered something I believe will ultimately prove to be the answer to many of our prayers: Limu. My husband, during adoration, prayed for the restoration of my health. I have many times prayed for his healing, as he has chronic back pain and is usually completely unable to sleep through the night without waking every two hours. I have also prayed for the way to get out of our financial mess not so that we might be able to own big fancy cars or buy a big fancy house, but so that I might use the money we make to help those in poverty climb out of it. I do want to own a large house, but only so that we have a place to offer to those in poverty until they can get back on their feet. At any rate, while I was at a church festival this weekend a gentleman stopped me to introduce me to a product he was selling. He told me how it had healed his back problems, given him the ability to sleep through the night, and the energy to do things he had never had the energy to do. His wife, who was working with him, told me how it had helped her to heal from a crushed pelvis and restored movement to joints which had stiffened after a car accident. Reading the literature, I saw the sheer list of things which this product can help with. It is an all-natural product derived from brown seaweed. It is God's gift to a world in need. Best of all, they are a new company and are looking for distributors to help them spread the word and make money doing it. I signed up and just today set up my website. You can check it out at http://discoverlimu.com/setmefree! For just $25 you can get a membership which allows you to purchase the product at a low cost. For $177 (including shipping) you can get your first case of 4 bottles – a 30 day supply for one person – and begin testing the product yourself. If you’re serious and have the money, though, you will want to spend the $399 (including shipping) for 3 cases which will give you product to use for 3 months plus 30 dvds to share with others about the way in which this business can change your life and your pocketbook.
I am also a distributor of Melalecua products, but I haven’t been active on that front at all even though I’ve been a member for a year. I think I should change this, since Melaleuca’s products actually really complement the Limu benefits. Melaleuca is, like The Limu Company, a wellness company focused on creating high quality, all-natural health products. They have a wide range of products from household cleaners to beauty products such as makeup and perfumes. I have tried many of the products and absolutely love them. To find out more about the health side you can visit http://www.livetotalwellness.com/brandymmiller and to learn more about Melaleuca, like The Limu Company, can help you build an income that allows you to live the lifestyle you’ve always wanted you can visit http://www.workathomeunited.com/brandymmiller . I think these two products, working in tandem, have a strong potential to lead us out of the problems we are facing and into a new life of health and wellness both financially and physically.
All in all, I must say that I do see God working in our lives and even this financially hardship is God's way of helping us to become better people.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
World Wide Marriage Encounter
I think I may have mentioned a time or two that my husband is as devout an atheist as I am a Catholic. We were married at a time in our lives when my faith was weak, and I wasn't too sure if God really did exist. I also didn't know whether to trust the Catholic Church's teachings or not, so I wasn't really all that interested in what they had to say. I left the Church in search of the truth. The nice thing about the truth is that it is testable. You can hold it up and under examination it will be as true now as it was the first time you encountered it. The more I tested it, the more I found that the Catholic Church really did hold the truth and that yes, there really is a God and He really does love us and He really does care what we do with our lives.
When I came back to the Church, my husband was less than ethusiastic to say the least. Suddenly there was a being in competition with him for first place in my life, and it wasn't a competition my husband could win as he was neither omnipotent nor all good nor all loving nor all powerful. As God became a larger part of my life, a part which my husband told me he didn't want to hear about and wasn't interested in, we had less common ground on which to stand and found ourselves growing further and further apart. The gap between us just seemed to great for us to cross.
I spent a LOT of time in prayer on this, as it hurt my heart to lose my best friend. I had, years before, asked him to go on a world wide marriage encounter weekend, but he wasn't interested in anything that had to do with God. This year, however, I got up the courage to just mention it to him. He said he thought he would give it a try if he weren' so new to the company (the encounter weekend was advertised for June) and unable to get that time off. I looked it up, there was a weekend in August, and we scheduled time to go.
I have never, ever, been a really patient person. I like my results yesterday, please. I have been no different in my prayer time, usually, expecting God to deliver sooner rather than later. This year He has been teaching me patience. For instance, back in January He promised me that August 8th my circumstances would change and prosperity would begin to wash over our family as it has never before done. He explained to me that I would have to go through a lot of hardship before we got there, as we were in need of a lot of work. We would have to start respecting our prosperity and gifts more, using them wisely instead of wasting them and transforming our hearts and minds so that when we got the prosperity it would be used to help others in need rather than being wasted on stupid stuff for ourselves. August 8th seemed a world away for me back then, but I trusted God to be true to me. He told me one of the reasons He takes so long to do things is that He's building for eternity, and that takes time. If he built it quicker, as I had asked, it wouldn't last.
In early March, during Adoration, I receive a message that my husband believes but is not ready to admit this either to himself or anyone else and to watch for changes in behavior as signs of this new belief. I marvel at this but I do indeed watch. He backed me up when I insisted that Eddie should go to Mass, practically forced my son to attend a Mission they had at church the week before Easter, but he refused to go to Mass with us.
Later that month, I am feeling very depressed and my husband agrees to go to Adoration with me as I want both his company and the company of Christ. The next month I forgot to schedule someone to take my place in Adoration while I am on retreat. Nobody I asked is able to do it for me. The morning of, in desperation, I turn to my husband and ask for him to go. He reluctantly agrees. He knows that he must be there the whole hour, and knows who it is he will be sitting with that day and how important this is to me. I do not know that whole weekend whether or not he has fulfilled my request, or if he stayed the whole hour, or if he left the Lord alone, but I put it in God's hands. Not only did my husband show up on time, stay the whole hour, and make certain Christ had two others with him before he left but he brought my son with him as well. I was floored.
Now, July 31st comes - just weeks before we're scheduled to go the encounter weekend, and I'm thinking to myself that I cannot handle another day of our empty marriage. My loneliness has just reached an absolute peak. Furthermore, I had learned a few months ago that an unbaptized person and a baptized person cannot have a sacramental marriage - even if the marriage is recognized by the church - as a sacramental marriage requires that both parties are baptized. This broke my heart. I had begun to despair that we would ever have the marriage I had dreamt of. I tried several times that day to write him a letter saying Good bye. Each time I, who love to write and do it so often, could not find the words to say. I put the letter away, figuring that perhaps this was the intervention of the holy spirit, and turned on Catholic radio to see if God might be trying to speak to me about this matter. Sure enough, every program was on marriage and relationships that day. That night as I worked with my sister Julie on Communique, I told her about my feelings of despair for our relationship. She encouraged me to stick with it, though I didn't really appreciate it at the time. I listened as another sister gave her witness that night, and she talked about some of her own marital struggles. I knew now God was telling me to hang in there and have faith both in my husband and in my God.
Saturday, August 2nd, I am sitting in Eucharistic Adoration just writing the small things which I hear God saying to me. He whispers to me that even if my husband should leave me, He will bring him back to me. I think that's a pretty odd thing, but I write it down and reflect on it. Monday, August 4th, and I decide to write my husband a letter. I tell my husband that if he wants to find out whether or not God is real, he should know all the ways in which God has protected our family from a major fall even though my husband is not thankful for the protection. I tell him also that I am praying that God stop protecting him so that he will see that God is real and, perhaps, on his knees find his way to God.
My husband is furious. He tells me he wants a divorce, that he no longer loves me. He says I've changed from the girl he married and he doesn't love the woman he's married to. I spend all night thinking, and in the morning write him another letter. I agree that I have changed, but I remind him of who I really was when he met me and how much he really didn't like the ways in which that girl hurt him, rejected him, treated him. I also explained to him that I was only praying for God to take away His protections because the only time I had ever seen my husband pray was when he was being crushed by adversity. I told him also that if prosperity would have the same effect for my husband, I would have been praying for that instead.
The next day I am furious. I am thinking of all kinds of letters to write the man. How dare he leave me! Heh. I'm so glad the Holy Spirit intervened, as it was a really busy day and I had no chance to write anything. Around 11 am I realize that my phone hasn't rung once. I check it, and it's off. I turn it on and there are four messages from my husband. One of which says "You have some valid points. We need to talk". We meet for lunch. He tells me that he will start going to Mass with us on Sunday and that I can try to convert him all I want as long as all of our conversations aren't about God. I agree.
The Friday of the weekend, neither of us know what to expect and we are both very nervous, but my husband is a ball of nerves. I try to reassure him that things will be fine. He's worried he'll be rejected by others because of his atheism, that we won't get to spend much time together, or that others will try to convert him. The weekend is like nothing we had expected, and in the process we begin to reconnect. Saturday, though, we fight because of my misinterpretation of something he said. I confess this to the priest, who reminds me to be more patient and more loving, and admonishes me to apologize for my part in the disagreement. I do , we make up, and by the time the weekend is finished, my husband has agreed to daily prayer in addition to weekly mass. We both walk out of the weekend feeling as if we have our spouses back, and are deeply in love and deeply committed with tools to help us communication and connect on a deeper level than ever before.
Since then, my husband has been faithful to his promise of daily prayer with me and the daily dialogue exercises recommended by the encounter weekend. He attended Mass. He has expressed a desire to get "a little" involved in the Church and has made suggestions on ways to change and improve the prayer I wrote for us. He has also suggested that we start a website to help other couples like us. I am amazed every day at the little changes I find happening, and the way in which God is clearly working to transform my husband. I know that things will be brighter in our future, and I hold great hope for each new day.
When I came back to the Church, my husband was less than ethusiastic to say the least. Suddenly there was a being in competition with him for first place in my life, and it wasn't a competition my husband could win as he was neither omnipotent nor all good nor all loving nor all powerful. As God became a larger part of my life, a part which my husband told me he didn't want to hear about and wasn't interested in, we had less common ground on which to stand and found ourselves growing further and further apart. The gap between us just seemed to great for us to cross.
I spent a LOT of time in prayer on this, as it hurt my heart to lose my best friend. I had, years before, asked him to go on a world wide marriage encounter weekend, but he wasn't interested in anything that had to do with God. This year, however, I got up the courage to just mention it to him. He said he thought he would give it a try if he weren' so new to the company (the encounter weekend was advertised for June) and unable to get that time off. I looked it up, there was a weekend in August, and we scheduled time to go.
I have never, ever, been a really patient person. I like my results yesterday, please. I have been no different in my prayer time, usually, expecting God to deliver sooner rather than later. This year He has been teaching me patience. For instance, back in January He promised me that August 8th my circumstances would change and prosperity would begin to wash over our family as it has never before done. He explained to me that I would have to go through a lot of hardship before we got there, as we were in need of a lot of work. We would have to start respecting our prosperity and gifts more, using them wisely instead of wasting them and transforming our hearts and minds so that when we got the prosperity it would be used to help others in need rather than being wasted on stupid stuff for ourselves. August 8th seemed a world away for me back then, but I trusted God to be true to me. He told me one of the reasons He takes so long to do things is that He's building for eternity, and that takes time. If he built it quicker, as I had asked, it wouldn't last.
In early March, during Adoration, I receive a message that my husband believes but is not ready to admit this either to himself or anyone else and to watch for changes in behavior as signs of this new belief. I marvel at this but I do indeed watch. He backed me up when I insisted that Eddie should go to Mass, practically forced my son to attend a Mission they had at church the week before Easter, but he refused to go to Mass with us.
Later that month, I am feeling very depressed and my husband agrees to go to Adoration with me as I want both his company and the company of Christ. The next month I forgot to schedule someone to take my place in Adoration while I am on retreat. Nobody I asked is able to do it for me. The morning of, in desperation, I turn to my husband and ask for him to go. He reluctantly agrees. He knows that he must be there the whole hour, and knows who it is he will be sitting with that day and how important this is to me. I do not know that whole weekend whether or not he has fulfilled my request, or if he stayed the whole hour, or if he left the Lord alone, but I put it in God's hands. Not only did my husband show up on time, stay the whole hour, and make certain Christ had two others with him before he left but he brought my son with him as well. I was floored.
Now, July 31st comes - just weeks before we're scheduled to go the encounter weekend, and I'm thinking to myself that I cannot handle another day of our empty marriage. My loneliness has just reached an absolute peak. Furthermore, I had learned a few months ago that an unbaptized person and a baptized person cannot have a sacramental marriage - even if the marriage is recognized by the church - as a sacramental marriage requires that both parties are baptized. This broke my heart. I had begun to despair that we would ever have the marriage I had dreamt of. I tried several times that day to write him a letter saying Good bye. Each time I, who love to write and do it so often, could not find the words to say. I put the letter away, figuring that perhaps this was the intervention of the holy spirit, and turned on Catholic radio to see if God might be trying to speak to me about this matter. Sure enough, every program was on marriage and relationships that day. That night as I worked with my sister Julie on Communique, I told her about my feelings of despair for our relationship. She encouraged me to stick with it, though I didn't really appreciate it at the time. I listened as another sister gave her witness that night, and she talked about some of her own marital struggles. I knew now God was telling me to hang in there and have faith both in my husband and in my God.
Saturday, August 2nd, I am sitting in Eucharistic Adoration just writing the small things which I hear God saying to me. He whispers to me that even if my husband should leave me, He will bring him back to me. I think that's a pretty odd thing, but I write it down and reflect on it. Monday, August 4th, and I decide to write my husband a letter. I tell my husband that if he wants to find out whether or not God is real, he should know all the ways in which God has protected our family from a major fall even though my husband is not thankful for the protection. I tell him also that I am praying that God stop protecting him so that he will see that God is real and, perhaps, on his knees find his way to God.
My husband is furious. He tells me he wants a divorce, that he no longer loves me. He says I've changed from the girl he married and he doesn't love the woman he's married to. I spend all night thinking, and in the morning write him another letter. I agree that I have changed, but I remind him of who I really was when he met me and how much he really didn't like the ways in which that girl hurt him, rejected him, treated him. I also explained to him that I was only praying for God to take away His protections because the only time I had ever seen my husband pray was when he was being crushed by adversity. I told him also that if prosperity would have the same effect for my husband, I would have been praying for that instead.
The next day I am furious. I am thinking of all kinds of letters to write the man. How dare he leave me! Heh. I'm so glad the Holy Spirit intervened, as it was a really busy day and I had no chance to write anything. Around 11 am I realize that my phone hasn't rung once. I check it, and it's off. I turn it on and there are four messages from my husband. One of which says "You have some valid points. We need to talk". We meet for lunch. He tells me that he will start going to Mass with us on Sunday and that I can try to convert him all I want as long as all of our conversations aren't about God. I agree.
The Friday of the weekend, neither of us know what to expect and we are both very nervous, but my husband is a ball of nerves. I try to reassure him that things will be fine. He's worried he'll be rejected by others because of his atheism, that we won't get to spend much time together, or that others will try to convert him. The weekend is like nothing we had expected, and in the process we begin to reconnect. Saturday, though, we fight because of my misinterpretation of something he said. I confess this to the priest, who reminds me to be more patient and more loving, and admonishes me to apologize for my part in the disagreement. I do , we make up, and by the time the weekend is finished, my husband has agreed to daily prayer in addition to weekly mass. We both walk out of the weekend feeling as if we have our spouses back, and are deeply in love and deeply committed with tools to help us communication and connect on a deeper level than ever before.
Since then, my husband has been faithful to his promise of daily prayer with me and the daily dialogue exercises recommended by the encounter weekend. He attended Mass. He has expressed a desire to get "a little" involved in the Church and has made suggestions on ways to change and improve the prayer I wrote for us. He has also suggested that we start a website to help other couples like us. I am amazed every day at the little changes I find happening, and the way in which God is clearly working to transform my husband. I know that things will be brighter in our future, and I hold great hope for each new day.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Thoughts on Things
I have been thinking that I really need to focus on writing out my life story. Now that I have confronted my aunt and uncle about their part in my brother's abuse, I think it's crucial that they understand my story so they see I truly do understand them and I'm not judging them. I honestly want them to seek forgiveness and return home to the Church. I think I also want to send a copy to my grandmother, so she will see that there is nothing she has done that is so bad that God cannot forgive and use for her benefit. Truthfully, once it is written, I think I'll send a copy to each of my siblings. I just want to become an instrument of healing for our divided family, and I think that perhaps this will do it.
Of course, since it also happens to be the first chapter of my book Healing From Sexual Abuse, it can also then be used as part of the query letters I send out. I've gotten no response from the one publisher I did send a query to, but since I'm an unknown and had nothing to show them it doesn't surprise me. I'm sure they get about a gazillion posts a day with similar kinds of queries.
Of course, since it also happens to be the first chapter of my book Healing From Sexual Abuse, it can also then be used as part of the query letters I send out. I've gotten no response from the one publisher I did send a query to, but since I'm an unknown and had nothing to show them it doesn't surprise me. I'm sure they get about a gazillion posts a day with similar kinds of queries.
Hi Ho! Hi Ho! It's Off to work we go
Well, I got out of confession a few days ago for my financial mis-management, and got some very useful budgeting advice from Father Flynn as well as the admonition that if my income wasn't meeting the bills, then I had an obligation to go back to work. Fortunately, God worked things out rather neatly so that I am able to go right back to Verizon Wireless. Sophia had three interviews lined up the last couple of weeks but they all kept canceling. The temp agency told me she'd been having lots of trouble finding someone who was right for the job.
Monday, July 14, 2008
The Stars Were Made for Man
Before God created men, He created all of the planets and the stars and set them in motion. He then created the earth and all of the things that man would need to survive before, finally, creating man. Why would He have created more than just our planet if He had not meant for man to someday travel outside of it?
Not only did He create other planets, but a multitude of them, and He made certain we could see the stars and chart their courses as they moved. He knew we were curious creatures, and wouldn't rest until we had figured out what those bright shining lights in the night sky were. He built us with a desire to go up and explore. I don't think this was an accident.
You see, God's very first commandment to man was to be fruitful and multiply. Now, God being God, He knew that if we were obedient to His commands to the degree that we ought to be there would come a time when we would need more room. For this reason, He built the other solar systems and the other planets within our own solar system. So, to my way of thinking, this hype about needing birth control and abortion because we're going to run out of room to feed ourselves is a rather short sighted point of view. It presumes that the only place we have to go is Earth. Well, truthfully, we have a lot of room for expansion on Earth (think about all the land under the sea which we have not even begun to tap) before we run out of room on the earth. And, if we dumped all of the money spent on research for birth control, spent passing out birth control and condoms, and combined it with the money we spend to fund new and creative ways to kill off our own children (Darwin would be shuddering in his grave!), I think we could easily have funded such a project and been well on our way to having solved the problems we think we face while saving our souls at the same time. God never gives commands that He doesn't provide us ways to follow.
Not only did He create other planets, but a multitude of them, and He made certain we could see the stars and chart their courses as they moved. He knew we were curious creatures, and wouldn't rest until we had figured out what those bright shining lights in the night sky were. He built us with a desire to go up and explore. I don't think this was an accident.
You see, God's very first commandment to man was to be fruitful and multiply. Now, God being God, He knew that if we were obedient to His commands to the degree that we ought to be there would come a time when we would need more room. For this reason, He built the other solar systems and the other planets within our own solar system. So, to my way of thinking, this hype about needing birth control and abortion because we're going to run out of room to feed ourselves is a rather short sighted point of view. It presumes that the only place we have to go is Earth. Well, truthfully, we have a lot of room for expansion on Earth (think about all the land under the sea which we have not even begun to tap) before we run out of room on the earth. And, if we dumped all of the money spent on research for birth control, spent passing out birth control and condoms, and combined it with the money we spend to fund new and creative ways to kill off our own children (Darwin would be shuddering in his grave!), I think we could easily have funded such a project and been well on our way to having solved the problems we think we face while saving our souls at the same time. God never gives commands that He doesn't provide us ways to follow.
The ULTIMATE Green Machine
I've been reading up on advances in solar technology. I was amazed at what I found. Thanks to MIT's development of solar textiles http://web.mit.edu/newsoffice/2008/solar-textiles-0609.html and solar windows http://web.mit.edu/newsoffice/2008/solarcells-0710.html combined with solar paint http://technology.newscientist.com/article/dn13424-generate-as-you-decorate-with-solarpower-paint.html, we now have the ability to create a completely solar powered electric vehicle. The paint on the car, the windows, and the upholstery could all be sources of solar collection. Combining these three things would make the entire car one giant solar cell, meaning that the car is continuously recharging whether running or not. Since the technology of solar power has improved sufficiently that direct sunlight is not necessary, this will work even in overcast weather.
This also means that homes and businesses can now easily tap into this solar technology. According to the researchers at MIT, just solar curtains in each of the windows were enough to power almost half of the needs of the home. If the windows and paint were also collecting, in addition to panels on the roof, you should have no problem powering even the most energy hungry buildings. We have the technology. Now, who's got the funding? It would be great if the US would step up to the plate here and fund this. It would end so many conflicts, especially those in the middle east. With no one needing gasoline to generate power, there would soon be no money funding terrorists. Talk about peace through environmental friendliness.
This also means that homes and businesses can now easily tap into this solar technology. According to the researchers at MIT, just solar curtains in each of the windows were enough to power almost half of the needs of the home. If the windows and paint were also collecting, in addition to panels on the roof, you should have no problem powering even the most energy hungry buildings. We have the technology. Now, who's got the funding? It would be great if the US would step up to the plate here and fund this. It would end so many conflicts, especially those in the middle east. With no one needing gasoline to generate power, there would soon be no money funding terrorists. Talk about peace through environmental friendliness.
Monday, July 7, 2008
A LOT Has Happened Since Then
Well there's a lot that has gone on in the past few months. A LOT! I have written quite a few more things, which I will go back and back-post for my own amusement and the value of having records. Yes, that's cheating. No, I don't care. :) It's my blog.
A week after my April 5th post, I attended my Parish's CRHP retreat weekend. AWESOME experience, and highly recommended for anyone who is Catholic and has it available to them. I am now dead center in the middle of my formation process, and I can't wait. My faith has grown by leaps and bounds, and I am a regular attendee at daily mass. This is something I would NEVER have imagined myself being, truthfully just 7 months ago I would have rather gone to the dentist and faced a root canal without anesthetic than set foot in daily mass of my own volition. Then I came to realize, as a direct result of studying True Devotion to Mary by St. Luis de Montfort, that the daily readings at the Mass were Christ speaking to me each day, and the Eucharistic feast provided at Mass was Christ's effort to share Himself with me in the most intimate way possible. How could I say no to that and call myself a real Christian? For those who think that devotion to Mary couldn't possibly be good for the development of your faith in Christ, I can provide a certain witness that it not only is good for it but that of all the things I have done it has been the very best.
I did leave Verizon Wireless, but not until June 6th. In fact, come to think of it, yesterday was my one month anniversary of having left them. Due to the work of the Holy Spirit, I left on very good terms and had overcome my initial personality conflicts with my manager. I wish them nothing but the best, but I know I am needed elsewhere. I have three books I am in the process of writing. I think I will begin to post blurbs periodically here. The first book is called Healing from Sexual Abuse: Reconstructing your identity, Reclaiming Your Life, Rebuilding Your Faith. It's about healing from a Catholic Christian viewpoint. I'm excited about it. It's a long time in coming. The second book is called An Extravagant Love: A Divine Romance. It's Human History written from God's perspective. Ambitious, yes, but I think the timing is right for it. The third book is called Planning Your Way Into Heaven: Authentic Christian Goal Setting and Planning.
I've also written 14 additional songs since the ones I posted in February and found one I wrote 3 years ago. That brings my song count up to 18. I've also downloaded a music composer to help me get the music for it all together. Very exciting stuff.
A week after my April 5th post, I attended my Parish's CRHP retreat weekend. AWESOME experience, and highly recommended for anyone who is Catholic and has it available to them. I am now dead center in the middle of my formation process, and I can't wait. My faith has grown by leaps and bounds, and I am a regular attendee at daily mass. This is something I would NEVER have imagined myself being, truthfully just 7 months ago I would have rather gone to the dentist and faced a root canal without anesthetic than set foot in daily mass of my own volition. Then I came to realize, as a direct result of studying True Devotion to Mary by St. Luis de Montfort, that the daily readings at the Mass were Christ speaking to me each day, and the Eucharistic feast provided at Mass was Christ's effort to share Himself with me in the most intimate way possible. How could I say no to that and call myself a real Christian? For those who think that devotion to Mary couldn't possibly be good for the development of your faith in Christ, I can provide a certain witness that it not only is good for it but that of all the things I have done it has been the very best.
I did leave Verizon Wireless, but not until June 6th. In fact, come to think of it, yesterday was my one month anniversary of having left them. Due to the work of the Holy Spirit, I left on very good terms and had overcome my initial personality conflicts with my manager. I wish them nothing but the best, but I know I am needed elsewhere. I have three books I am in the process of writing. I think I will begin to post blurbs periodically here. The first book is called Healing from Sexual Abuse: Reconstructing your identity, Reclaiming Your Life, Rebuilding Your Faith. It's about healing from a Catholic Christian viewpoint. I'm excited about it. It's a long time in coming. The second book is called An Extravagant Love: A Divine Romance. It's Human History written from God's perspective. Ambitious, yes, but I think the timing is right for it. The third book is called Planning Your Way Into Heaven: Authentic Christian Goal Setting and Planning.
I've also written 14 additional songs since the ones I posted in February and found one I wrote 3 years ago. That brings my song count up to 18. I've also downloaded a music composer to help me get the music for it all together. Very exciting stuff.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
The Greatest Lie Ever Told: Created for Love
Human beings were created for the purpose of loving God and being loved by Him. Everything which God created is given to mankind to use as tools in our quest to fulfill this purpose. We please God when we show appreciation for His gifts by appropriately using our tools. We offend God when we are unappreciative of His gifts and misuse those tools.
The greatest of the gifts which God has given us is life. It is the greatest gift because it is required to fulfill our purpose and it is the gift from which all others derive their meaning. Without life, all other gifts cannot be received. Without life, there can be no free will. Without life, there can be no love. Without life, there can be no happiness nor pursuit of happiness. This is why murder is a sin, as it robs men and women of their ability to fulfill their purpose and to receive the gifts which God has intended to give them. This is why abortion and embryonic stem cell research are sins, as it cuts short the ability of the unborn to fulfill their purpose and to experience the fullness of God’s many gifts. This is why God does give permission to kill in defense of our own lives, although certainly care must be taken to do only as much harm as is strictly necessary when defending life.
Conception is the starting point for new life. Biblical accounts of a child being born are usually sequenced as man has relations with woman who conceives and gives birth. This links action (the relations) with result (conception), thereby establishing that children are conceived through marital relations and that conception creates a new person. Psalms 139 talks about God knitting us in our mother’s womb before we were ever born and even before . Indeed, Christ was Christ from the very moment the Holy Spirit overshadowed Mary and she conceived, as demonstrated by the fact that even though she was not showing evidence of bearing Christ within her yet, both Elizabeth and her unborn son, John the Baptist, reacted to His presence when she visited them. Moreover, this is not merely a biblical principle but has been proven by science. When sperm and egg are joined, a totally unique individual is created from that union. We no longer have the excuse of ignorance. We know this for a fact.
God created man and woman as fitting partners for one another and He commanded them to be fertile and multiply, subduing and filling the earth. This commandment introduces the gift of sexuality, which permits human beings to participate in the creation of new life and permits the expansion of God’s great love to every part of the world. The sexual act is pleasurable to both the man and the woman, encouraging them to engage in it often. Each time the man and the woman experience the pleasure of this union, chemicals are released in the brain which bond the pair closer together. This gift of sexuality is intended to be used solely within the bounds of matrimony. In matrimony, the couple vow that they will love one another unconditionally throughout their entire life and that they will accept children from God lovingly, bringing them up according to the law of Christ and His Church. The proper use of this gift of sexuality ensures that new life is created and raised in an environment of stability and love. This is why marriage is sacred, carrying with it specific responsibilities and duties, and must be protected from misuse. It is also the reason that rape, prostitution, masturbation, fornication, adultery, oral and anal sex, homosexuality, and bestiality are all sins. They are perversions of the gift of sexuality and do nothing to further the purpose for which the gift was granted: to participate in the creation of new life which will love God and be loved by God. It is also the reason that contraception and sterilization is a sin, since it is a deliberate attempt to prevent the gift of sexuality from fulfilling the very purpose for which it was created.
The greatest of the gifts which God has given us is life. It is the greatest gift because it is required to fulfill our purpose and it is the gift from which all others derive their meaning. Without life, all other gifts cannot be received. Without life, there can be no free will. Without life, there can be no love. Without life, there can be no happiness nor pursuit of happiness. This is why murder is a sin, as it robs men and women of their ability to fulfill their purpose and to receive the gifts which God has intended to give them. This is why abortion and embryonic stem cell research are sins, as it cuts short the ability of the unborn to fulfill their purpose and to experience the fullness of God’s many gifts. This is why God does give permission to kill in defense of our own lives, although certainly care must be taken to do only as much harm as is strictly necessary when defending life.
Conception is the starting point for new life. Biblical accounts of a child being born are usually sequenced as man has relations with woman who conceives and gives birth. This links action (the relations) with result (conception), thereby establishing that children are conceived through marital relations and that conception creates a new person. Psalms 139 talks about God knitting us in our mother’s womb before we were ever born and even before . Indeed, Christ was Christ from the very moment the Holy Spirit overshadowed Mary and she conceived, as demonstrated by the fact that even though she was not showing evidence of bearing Christ within her yet, both Elizabeth and her unborn son, John the Baptist, reacted to His presence when she visited them. Moreover, this is not merely a biblical principle but has been proven by science. When sperm and egg are joined, a totally unique individual is created from that union. We no longer have the excuse of ignorance. We know this for a fact.
God created man and woman as fitting partners for one another and He commanded them to be fertile and multiply, subduing and filling the earth. This commandment introduces the gift of sexuality, which permits human beings to participate in the creation of new life and permits the expansion of God’s great love to every part of the world. The sexual act is pleasurable to both the man and the woman, encouraging them to engage in it often. Each time the man and the woman experience the pleasure of this union, chemicals are released in the brain which bond the pair closer together. This gift of sexuality is intended to be used solely within the bounds of matrimony. In matrimony, the couple vow that they will love one another unconditionally throughout their entire life and that they will accept children from God lovingly, bringing them up according to the law of Christ and His Church. The proper use of this gift of sexuality ensures that new life is created and raised in an environment of stability and love. This is why marriage is sacred, carrying with it specific responsibilities and duties, and must be protected from misuse. It is also the reason that rape, prostitution, masturbation, fornication, adultery, oral and anal sex, homosexuality, and bestiality are all sins. They are perversions of the gift of sexuality and do nothing to further the purpose for which the gift was granted: to participate in the creation of new life which will love God and be loved by God. It is also the reason that contraception and sterilization is a sin, since it is a deliberate attempt to prevent the gift of sexuality from fulfilling the very purpose for which it was created.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
The Pope and St. Joseph
Christ is the bridegroom and the Church is His Bride. However, Christ’s work requires that He be physically away from His Bride for a period of time. As a loving bridegroom, He does not wish to leave His bride without a defender during His physical absence. It is for this reason that He established the Pope. The Pope stands in the same place that St. Joseph stood for Mary.
Mary is the Spouse of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit chose her for this role and brought her into the world for that reason. He sent His archangel, Gabriel, as Best Man to bring His proposal to her and to witness her response and their subsequent union. He gave to St. Joseph the task of standing in His place as groom, a surrogate husband to His virgin bride and a surrogate father to the Incarnate Word. Mary was obedient to St. Joseph. She knew that he acted out of love for both her and for her son, a love born of his love for the Lord. She did not argue when St. Joseph led them out of Israel and into Egypt. She did not question when he hid them in Nazareth. She obeyed.
St. Joseph defended Mary’s virtue. He protected her from those who sought to harm her and her child in word and in deed. He defended their faith and held to God’s word even in the midst of the Egyptians. He did not seek to usurp the place of Mary’s true Spouse, he loved her Spouse even more than he loved her and because of his great love for her Spouse, he loved Christ with all of his heart.
St. Joseph taught Christ to know, love, and serve God. In the process of teaching Christ, he helped Christ to reveal His true nature and to live that true nature with responsibility and fidelity. Christ loved Joseph and because of that love for Joseph, trusted that what he was being taught was worth learning and worth emulating. Mary encouraged Christ to love and trust in His surrogate father as much as He loved and trusted His true Father. Joseph was given special gifts by the Holy Spirit to ensure that he would not lead Christ astray with his teachings.
This is the position of the Pope. He is not Christ. He does not seek to take the place of Christ. He is the surrogate bridegroom, defending the Bride throughout the ages from those who would attack Her, from those who would harm Her in word or in deed. He directs the Church to move only when it is necessary to protect Her, and She obeys because She knows of His great love for Her Spouse.
The Pope is the surrogate father of the children born of the union between Christ and His Bride. These Children of God turn to their surrogate father for help in revealing their true nature and for living that true nature with responsibility and fidelity. The Church encourages Her children to love and trust in their surrogate father as much as they love and trust in Christ. The Pope is given special gifts by the Holy Spirit to ensure that he does not lead these Children astray with his teachings.
Mary is the Spouse of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit chose her for this role and brought her into the world for that reason. He sent His archangel, Gabriel, as Best Man to bring His proposal to her and to witness her response and their subsequent union. He gave to St. Joseph the task of standing in His place as groom, a surrogate husband to His virgin bride and a surrogate father to the Incarnate Word. Mary was obedient to St. Joseph. She knew that he acted out of love for both her and for her son, a love born of his love for the Lord. She did not argue when St. Joseph led them out of Israel and into Egypt. She did not question when he hid them in Nazareth. She obeyed.
St. Joseph defended Mary’s virtue. He protected her from those who sought to harm her and her child in word and in deed. He defended their faith and held to God’s word even in the midst of the Egyptians. He did not seek to usurp the place of Mary’s true Spouse, he loved her Spouse even more than he loved her and because of his great love for her Spouse, he loved Christ with all of his heart.
St. Joseph taught Christ to know, love, and serve God. In the process of teaching Christ, he helped Christ to reveal His true nature and to live that true nature with responsibility and fidelity. Christ loved Joseph and because of that love for Joseph, trusted that what he was being taught was worth learning and worth emulating. Mary encouraged Christ to love and trust in His surrogate father as much as He loved and trusted His true Father. Joseph was given special gifts by the Holy Spirit to ensure that he would not lead Christ astray with his teachings.
This is the position of the Pope. He is not Christ. He does not seek to take the place of Christ. He is the surrogate bridegroom, defending the Bride throughout the ages from those who would attack Her, from those who would harm Her in word or in deed. He directs the Church to move only when it is necessary to protect Her, and She obeys because She knows of His great love for Her Spouse.
The Pope is the surrogate father of the children born of the union between Christ and His Bride. These Children of God turn to their surrogate father for help in revealing their true nature and for living that true nature with responsibility and fidelity. The Church encourages Her children to love and trust in their surrogate father as much as they love and trust in Christ. The Pope is given special gifts by the Holy Spirit to ensure that he does not lead these Children astray with his teachings.
Monday, March 31, 2008
The Greatest Lie Ever Told: Introduction
God is imaginary and heaven a sweet lie told to comfort the blind masses so that they can better bear the hardships of life. Hell is an invention designed to frighten those same blind masses into conforming to a rigid set of rules created to allow the educated and powerful to take advantage of the less educated and less powerful through psychological terrorism. This is the assertion of the atheists, those who consider themselves to be the lone voices of sanity and clarity in a world of madness and confusion; those who believe themselves to be the sighted minority in a world of blindness.
Atheists claim that belief in God is nothing more than superstition, easily cured by proper education and the judicious application of trained reason and logic. They rabidly attack any public mention of God or religion, ripping out the slightest hint of it in our schools, our courts, and our gathering places. They smugly congratulate themselves whenever their efforts succeed, believing that they are "freeing" their fellow man from the shackles of religion.
I am well acquainted with lies. I grew up listening to them, have told them far too often, and have had lies told to me. I have never known a lie to do anything but cause harm, no matter how small or well intentioned the lie. It deceives the one being lied to and creates an immediate division between the two parties. The liar must work continuously to prevent the one being lied to from discovering the lie, and must live with the constant fear of being found out. The energy poured into maintaining the lie grows as time goes on, for the liar must work to not only remember the lie told but usually also ends up layering additional lies on top of the original in order to keep it all going. Lies perpetuate division in relationships, fear, anxiety, strife, anger, and depression. They also erode the sanity of the one telling the lie, for told long and often enough the person may well begin to have trouble distinguishing between lie and truth, between fantasy and reality. I am acquainted with truth as well. It is a sharp sword, cutting through darkness to reveal the light. The blade cuts through chains of fear and sets us free to move. When wielded with love, it doesn't just cut but heals wounds as well, removing divisions, and paving the pathway to justice.
If God is imaginary and Christianity a lie, it is the strangest lie ever told. It is the ONLY lie that fosters unity, peace, understanding, and courage. It is a lie that discourages lies - an incredible contradiction! It is a lie that puts love as the highest virtue, gives purpose and meaning to life, brings hope to the hopeless, and encourages forgiveness for wrongs done. If this particular lie sometimes seems to cause pain and fails to bring about what it promises it is only because those who believe do not live the lie perfectly.
Contrast the "lie" of Christianity with the "truth" of atheism. Atheism teaches that life has neither purpose nor meaning, thus there is no value in life and no value in living. Atheism sees death as the solution to suffering because it is the end of everything. Atheism teaches that we are randomly created, spontaneously formed out of a miasma by chance for no purpose except to live and then die. For them, there is no purpose to living a good life, and they have no measuring stick by which to judge what is good except by what "feels" good.
Christianity finds purpose in life, value in suffering. Suffering teaches us compassion for others, humbles us, and helps us to grow stronger. The child who suffers poor health grows up and is motivated to help other children who suffer with illness, the child who suffers abuse grows up and is motivated to stop abuse. The child who watches their parent die of lung cancer because the parent smoked grows up vowing never to smoke and, by their example, teaches the next generation not to smoke as well. Those who are poor become motivated to help others in poverty, those who are oppressed become motivated to free themselves. The mother who loses her child to drugs or alcohol becomes motivated to save other children that same fate and other parents from the grief and anguish she has undergone. In the face of suffering, we become fearless. The one who has lost everything has nothing left to lose.
History teaches us that the first sign of a failing civilization is a failing faith and a decline in worship. Human beings are genetically coded to search for God and to Worship Him. If we choose not to worship God, we will find something else to worship. We will worship drugs, sex, gambling, possessions, or money. We will become slaves of our chosen god, and that god will drain us of all joy and happiness, ruining our relationships, consuming us from the inside out until all that is left of us are empty shells. Religion provides an essential framework for our lives, giving us boundaries which protect us from hurting ourselves and others while showing us the areas where we are free to roam without fear. Crimes which were unimaginable are now every day occurances in our "liberated" society. Mothers and Fathers kill not only their unborn children, but the children they have spent years raising. Both Mothers and Fathers rape and molest their children. Children kill their parents and siblings for money or even simple anger. This is the world without boundaries, this is the world without God.
So I say that if Christianity is a lie, then it is the Greatest Lie EVER told and I hope that I NEVER come to see the "truth". I hope that I may always serve God, because He loves me and He asks much of me but what He gives in return is far greater than what I give. I hope that I continue to believe the lie that expects me to be my very best, expects me to love my neighbor as myself, the one lie that "dares all things, hopes all things, and believes all things." I pray that I may always see the value of eveyr life from the moment of conception through natural death, and that I may have the courage to defend that life with my own if ever called to do so.
Atheists claim that belief in God is nothing more than superstition, easily cured by proper education and the judicious application of trained reason and logic. They rabidly attack any public mention of God or religion, ripping out the slightest hint of it in our schools, our courts, and our gathering places. They smugly congratulate themselves whenever their efforts succeed, believing that they are "freeing" their fellow man from the shackles of religion.
I am well acquainted with lies. I grew up listening to them, have told them far too often, and have had lies told to me. I have never known a lie to do anything but cause harm, no matter how small or well intentioned the lie. It deceives the one being lied to and creates an immediate division between the two parties. The liar must work continuously to prevent the one being lied to from discovering the lie, and must live with the constant fear of being found out. The energy poured into maintaining the lie grows as time goes on, for the liar must work to not only remember the lie told but usually also ends up layering additional lies on top of the original in order to keep it all going. Lies perpetuate division in relationships, fear, anxiety, strife, anger, and depression. They also erode the sanity of the one telling the lie, for told long and often enough the person may well begin to have trouble distinguishing between lie and truth, between fantasy and reality. I am acquainted with truth as well. It is a sharp sword, cutting through darkness to reveal the light. The blade cuts through chains of fear and sets us free to move. When wielded with love, it doesn't just cut but heals wounds as well, removing divisions, and paving the pathway to justice.
If God is imaginary and Christianity a lie, it is the strangest lie ever told. It is the ONLY lie that fosters unity, peace, understanding, and courage. It is a lie that discourages lies - an incredible contradiction! It is a lie that puts love as the highest virtue, gives purpose and meaning to life, brings hope to the hopeless, and encourages forgiveness for wrongs done. If this particular lie sometimes seems to cause pain and fails to bring about what it promises it is only because those who believe do not live the lie perfectly.
Contrast the "lie" of Christianity with the "truth" of atheism. Atheism teaches that life has neither purpose nor meaning, thus there is no value in life and no value in living. Atheism sees death as the solution to suffering because it is the end of everything. Atheism teaches that we are randomly created, spontaneously formed out of a miasma by chance for no purpose except to live and then die. For them, there is no purpose to living a good life, and they have no measuring stick by which to judge what is good except by what "feels" good.
Christianity finds purpose in life, value in suffering. Suffering teaches us compassion for others, humbles us, and helps us to grow stronger. The child who suffers poor health grows up and is motivated to help other children who suffer with illness, the child who suffers abuse grows up and is motivated to stop abuse. The child who watches their parent die of lung cancer because the parent smoked grows up vowing never to smoke and, by their example, teaches the next generation not to smoke as well. Those who are poor become motivated to help others in poverty, those who are oppressed become motivated to free themselves. The mother who loses her child to drugs or alcohol becomes motivated to save other children that same fate and other parents from the grief and anguish she has undergone. In the face of suffering, we become fearless. The one who has lost everything has nothing left to lose.
History teaches us that the first sign of a failing civilization is a failing faith and a decline in worship. Human beings are genetically coded to search for God and to Worship Him. If we choose not to worship God, we will find something else to worship. We will worship drugs, sex, gambling, possessions, or money. We will become slaves of our chosen god, and that god will drain us of all joy and happiness, ruining our relationships, consuming us from the inside out until all that is left of us are empty shells. Religion provides an essential framework for our lives, giving us boundaries which protect us from hurting ourselves and others while showing us the areas where we are free to roam without fear. Crimes which were unimaginable are now every day occurances in our "liberated" society. Mothers and Fathers kill not only their unborn children, but the children they have spent years raising. Both Mothers and Fathers rape and molest their children. Children kill their parents and siblings for money or even simple anger. This is the world without boundaries, this is the world without God.
So I say that if Christianity is a lie, then it is the Greatest Lie EVER told and I hope that I NEVER come to see the "truth". I hope that I may always serve God, because He loves me and He asks much of me but what He gives in return is far greater than what I give. I hope that I continue to believe the lie that expects me to be my very best, expects me to love my neighbor as myself, the one lie that "dares all things, hopes all things, and believes all things." I pray that I may always see the value of eveyr life from the moment of conception through natural death, and that I may have the courage to defend that life with my own if ever called to do so.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Good Friday
Today is the last day of my assignment at Verizon Wireless. As we are still in recovery mode from my husband's lengthy period of unemployment, I know that this fact should leave me feeling frightened and cold. Instead, I am optimistic and full of joy. God has turned a six week assignment into an ark that my family used to sail through the troubled waters for the last 10 months, and it's time now to climb out of the boat and onto dry land. I have a lot of work to do on my business that I haven't been able to do because I didn't have the time, but now I will. Our financial problems will continue for a little while longer, but we have been and continue to be blessed. So, instead of weeping and mourning I'm going to call today my Good Friday - yes, it is a day of endings but it is also a beginning of a new chapter, one full of great things for all of these things will be done with God.
(Update: I got a phone call that morning as I was walking into work telling me that they could not afford to let me go at this time and that even though they had not said so, they would be needing me even a few weeks after they are at full staff. God provides.)
I did something unusual. I gave a $15 campaign contribution to Barack Obama. Why? Because they are selecting guests for a special dinner with Barack from among those who contribute, and I very much want to talk to the man. You see, I disagree with him on abortion. I disagree with him on contraception and euthanasia. I disagree with him on his refusal to say the Pledge of Allegience. Unlike many, though, I see something different about this man, something which has the potential for greatness. I see a man who talks of faith and who seems to walk that walk. I see a man who stated that he would not run a mud-slinging campaign and hasn't. I see a man who has freely and openly admitted what he believes in even when wobbling on his stances would bring him more voters. I see a man who really does care about the poor in our country. He has run his campaign entirely on the money given to him by the people, not by big businesses or by political action committees. In summary, I see a man of honesty and integrity who is misguided in his beliefs. As there have been instances of my own misguidance, I can forgive mistakes. I think, though, that this man really does care. I think he's brave enough that if he is given the right information he can not only change his mind but be honest about why, and charismatic enough to lead the majority of his constituents with him. I think that if you put together a ticket with Barack Obama for President and Mike Huckabee for Vice President, there is nothing that either McCain or Hillary could do to compete. A truly bi-partisan ticket would sweep the nation, and prove that this time we truly are changing politics as usual.
Having said that, I can't vote for the man until he can change his position. The nation that refuses to reproduce will be replaced. These aren't issues of "choice", they are issues of our future, our national security, and our families. As I have said many times you cannot save the poor by killing them. You cannot save children from child abuse by preventing them from being born. You're simply perpetrating a different kind of child abuse, subjecting families to a different kind of poverty.
(Update: I got a phone call that morning as I was walking into work telling me that they could not afford to let me go at this time and that even though they had not said so, they would be needing me even a few weeks after they are at full staff. God provides.)
I did something unusual. I gave a $15 campaign contribution to Barack Obama. Why? Because they are selecting guests for a special dinner with Barack from among those who contribute, and I very much want to talk to the man. You see, I disagree with him on abortion. I disagree with him on contraception and euthanasia. I disagree with him on his refusal to say the Pledge of Allegience. Unlike many, though, I see something different about this man, something which has the potential for greatness. I see a man who talks of faith and who seems to walk that walk. I see a man who stated that he would not run a mud-slinging campaign and hasn't. I see a man who has freely and openly admitted what he believes in even when wobbling on his stances would bring him more voters. I see a man who really does care about the poor in our country. He has run his campaign entirely on the money given to him by the people, not by big businesses or by political action committees. In summary, I see a man of honesty and integrity who is misguided in his beliefs. As there have been instances of my own misguidance, I can forgive mistakes. I think, though, that this man really does care. I think he's brave enough that if he is given the right information he can not only change his mind but be honest about why, and charismatic enough to lead the majority of his constituents with him. I think that if you put together a ticket with Barack Obama for President and Mike Huckabee for Vice President, there is nothing that either McCain or Hillary could do to compete. A truly bi-partisan ticket would sweep the nation, and prove that this time we truly are changing politics as usual.
Having said that, I can't vote for the man until he can change his position. The nation that refuses to reproduce will be replaced. These aren't issues of "choice", they are issues of our future, our national security, and our families. As I have said many times you cannot save the poor by killing them. You cannot save children from child abuse by preventing them from being born. You're simply perpetrating a different kind of child abuse, subjecting families to a different kind of poverty.
Monday, March 24, 2008
The Value of Suffering
Tonight, I watched an episode of Law and Order that I have seen before. A mother kills her one month old daughter. The reason for the killing? Her daughter had an incurable disease, Tay-Sachs, which would cause the child to slowly and painfully die over the course of five years. In the episode, the mother stated that she believes in a loving God and she couldn't imagine that God would want an innocent child to suffer.
God's ways are not our ways. We see, especially in America, suffering as something to be avoided at all cost. We see all suffering as bad, and suffering as some kind of judgement being passed upon the sufferer. Truthfully, I have never met a true atheist. Every atheist I have ever met is someone who suffered and, not understanding how the suffering could be a gift, decided that God had rejected them in some way and so they would reject Him. Yet suffering brings some of the greatest rewards humanity has to offer: patience, compassion, mercy, hope, and even peace. If you've suffered enough, you appreciate life all the more and you have no desire to wage war on your neighbor.
I think what this nation needs is not less suffering, but more of it. We have grown complacent, and we want quick remedies to our every ailment. Yes, the suffering is difficult to bear. Yes, watching your child die before your eyes and being unable to do something to help them is a hard cross to bear. Losing any loved one at all in such a long, drawn-out manner is difficult. But there is always good that comes of it. My father-in-law's long, drawn-out battle with cancer gave his son time enough to mature so that the two of them could finally come to terms with one another and his father could die in peace. My grandfather's long battle with alzheimers stripped away the pride and arrogance that had been stopping him from being able to tell those he cared about most how much he loved them, and he was finally able to say what was really in his heart and on his mind. What a precious gift we would have lost if we had done what many would say was "best" and euthanized him. That little child had so much to teach her mother about love and about life, and instead her mother rejected the gift and rejected the child because it wasn't "perfect". Yes, she would only have had five years to spend with that child. There would have been a lot of pain, for both of them. But she would have known that in the end she had loved that child right up until the very end. She had given her child every chance, every hope there was to offer. She would have been able to savor every smile, and every tear, and every breath in her heart knowing that she had done everything she could to give her child life and to defend that child's right to live right up until the end. What greater gift can a mother give her child than life? A life, even a life of suffering, is still better than no life at all.
On a personal level, I have suffered. I was abused as a child. I grew up in poverty. I have spent many of my adult years poor. I have been homeless. I have heard many people argue that it is better to kill the children than that even one should suffer. I would argue it is better to let them suffer a little and have at least a chance of happiness than to kill them and to take away all of their chances for happiness. The solution to poverty cannot be to kill the poor. The solution to child abuse cannot be to kill the children. If we are so very concerned about the poor and the children, then let's look for real solutions. Let's give them life and then work together to find a way to help them live well.
God's ways are not our ways. We see, especially in America, suffering as something to be avoided at all cost. We see all suffering as bad, and suffering as some kind of judgement being passed upon the sufferer. Truthfully, I have never met a true atheist. Every atheist I have ever met is someone who suffered and, not understanding how the suffering could be a gift, decided that God had rejected them in some way and so they would reject Him. Yet suffering brings some of the greatest rewards humanity has to offer: patience, compassion, mercy, hope, and even peace. If you've suffered enough, you appreciate life all the more and you have no desire to wage war on your neighbor.
I think what this nation needs is not less suffering, but more of it. We have grown complacent, and we want quick remedies to our every ailment. Yes, the suffering is difficult to bear. Yes, watching your child die before your eyes and being unable to do something to help them is a hard cross to bear. Losing any loved one at all in such a long, drawn-out manner is difficult. But there is always good that comes of it. My father-in-law's long, drawn-out battle with cancer gave his son time enough to mature so that the two of them could finally come to terms with one another and his father could die in peace. My grandfather's long battle with alzheimers stripped away the pride and arrogance that had been stopping him from being able to tell those he cared about most how much he loved them, and he was finally able to say what was really in his heart and on his mind. What a precious gift we would have lost if we had done what many would say was "best" and euthanized him. That little child had so much to teach her mother about love and about life, and instead her mother rejected the gift and rejected the child because it wasn't "perfect". Yes, she would only have had five years to spend with that child. There would have been a lot of pain, for both of them. But she would have known that in the end she had loved that child right up until the very end. She had given her child every chance, every hope there was to offer. She would have been able to savor every smile, and every tear, and every breath in her heart knowing that she had done everything she could to give her child life and to defend that child's right to live right up until the end. What greater gift can a mother give her child than life? A life, even a life of suffering, is still better than no life at all.
On a personal level, I have suffered. I was abused as a child. I grew up in poverty. I have spent many of my adult years poor. I have been homeless. I have heard many people argue that it is better to kill the children than that even one should suffer. I would argue it is better to let them suffer a little and have at least a chance of happiness than to kill them and to take away all of their chances for happiness. The solution to poverty cannot be to kill the poor. The solution to child abuse cannot be to kill the children. If we are so very concerned about the poor and the children, then let's look for real solutions. Let's give them life and then work together to find a way to help them live well.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
God Answers Prayers
There's an atheistic website entitled God is Imaginary which states that it has 50 proofs that God doesn't exist. Proof number 2 is that God doesn't answer prayer. His argument is that God doesn't answer prayer EXACTLY THE WAY WE WANT HIM TO, and therefore God doesn't exist. He goes further on to say that we who pray and believe are silly, and if he's right about God not existing then he has every right to say we are silly. He doesn't have courage enough to permit comments or even provide an email address to allow rebuttals. I do feel sorry for this person, though. I wonder what prayer it is that he thought God didn't answer, it must have been something very close to his heart like a girlfriend, a child, a wife, or a mother he lost. Maybe a father or a best friend. However, I will write a response to him and hope that it makes its way to him. I invite him to reply to me. I invite him to comment. In the meanwhile, I will pray for him that he has a change of heart.
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You cite proof # 2 of God is imaginary as “God never answers any prayers”. On a scientific level, this is patently impossible to prove; therefore it cannot be a proof. In fact, all it takes is ONE occurrence of God answering prayers to debunk this “proof”. I have personally had many prayers directly answered, and many that have been indirectly answered, and several answered with a “no”. No, by the way, is a perfectly acceptable if sometimes disappointing answer frequently used by loving parents and by God.
You act as if God would have to play the big sugar-daddy in the sky in order to be believable, but I challenge that such a God would be less believable. Love has limits, love has boundaries, and love thinks of the greater good, not the immediate want. You cite as an example that if one million persons who were holy were to gather together on a single night and pray for everyone with cancer to be cured, that it wouldn’t happen. You’re right. Most likely, it is true that not everyone would be cured. God’s view of good isn’t always our view. You say that the overnight curing of cancer for everyone in the world would be an obvious good. I challenge that this is not necessarily so.
Cancer is the result of contagions and contaminates in our environment, our waters, and our air. We put those contagions and contaminates there, God didn’t. Thus, cancer is man-made. Now, if God cures all cancers overnight, our urge to find the source of these cancers and eliminate the source is gone. The contagions and contaminates linger, hurting us in other ways and in six months other people will have developed cancer. We would continue to think it’s okay to pour contagions and contaminates into our environment, becoming lazy and careless and expecting God to do the work of cleaning up a mess we have created. What parent that truly wants the best for the child doesn’t teach by allowing natural consequences? Those consequences may hurt, but they are important reminders of how the world actually works. Also, some of the people who get cancer will have changes of heart and remember the God who created them, turning back to him in prayer. If they become well too soon, they may not have this important change of heart. Some of the people who get cancer will cause other people to have changes of heart and remember God. God may save thousands of souls that would have been lost by allowing this one person, who loves Him and trusts in Him, to get cancer. Through that soul’s temporary suffering, God strengthens their already strong belief in him and converts many who would have been lost. God would rather save the soul and lose the body than save the body, which is temporary, and lose the soul. It may also be that some of the people who have cancer may need to die. These people may have allowed themselves to be so filled with evil that they hurt everyone around them, people like serial murderers, rapists, pedophiles, etc.
God doesn’t judge good by our standards, just as an adult doesn’t judge good based upon a child’s standards. A child believes that it would be good to eat nothing but candy and cookies all day long. An adult realizes that this behavior, in the short term will almost certainly cause the child to have a severe stomach ache and in the long run will cause the child to grow weak as the candy doesn’t adequately nourish the body, though it tastes good. Likewise, God doesn’t give us everything we ask for because sometimes what we ask for is short-sighted and over the long run will do us more harm than good. I invite you to read the parable I wrote in the post just before this, to help explain a little more.
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You cite proof # 2 of God is imaginary as “God never answers any prayers”. On a scientific level, this is patently impossible to prove; therefore it cannot be a proof. In fact, all it takes is ONE occurrence of God answering prayers to debunk this “proof”. I have personally had many prayers directly answered, and many that have been indirectly answered, and several answered with a “no”. No, by the way, is a perfectly acceptable if sometimes disappointing answer frequently used by loving parents and by God.
You act as if God would have to play the big sugar-daddy in the sky in order to be believable, but I challenge that such a God would be less believable. Love has limits, love has boundaries, and love thinks of the greater good, not the immediate want. You cite as an example that if one million persons who were holy were to gather together on a single night and pray for everyone with cancer to be cured, that it wouldn’t happen. You’re right. Most likely, it is true that not everyone would be cured. God’s view of good isn’t always our view. You say that the overnight curing of cancer for everyone in the world would be an obvious good. I challenge that this is not necessarily so.
Cancer is the result of contagions and contaminates in our environment, our waters, and our air. We put those contagions and contaminates there, God didn’t. Thus, cancer is man-made. Now, if God cures all cancers overnight, our urge to find the source of these cancers and eliminate the source is gone. The contagions and contaminates linger, hurting us in other ways and in six months other people will have developed cancer. We would continue to think it’s okay to pour contagions and contaminates into our environment, becoming lazy and careless and expecting God to do the work of cleaning up a mess we have created. What parent that truly wants the best for the child doesn’t teach by allowing natural consequences? Those consequences may hurt, but they are important reminders of how the world actually works. Also, some of the people who get cancer will have changes of heart and remember the God who created them, turning back to him in prayer. If they become well too soon, they may not have this important change of heart. Some of the people who get cancer will cause other people to have changes of heart and remember God. God may save thousands of souls that would have been lost by allowing this one person, who loves Him and trusts in Him, to get cancer. Through that soul’s temporary suffering, God strengthens their already strong belief in him and converts many who would have been lost. God would rather save the soul and lose the body than save the body, which is temporary, and lose the soul. It may also be that some of the people who have cancer may need to die. These people may have allowed themselves to be so filled with evil that they hurt everyone around them, people like serial murderers, rapists, pedophiles, etc.
God doesn’t judge good by our standards, just as an adult doesn’t judge good based upon a child’s standards. A child believes that it would be good to eat nothing but candy and cookies all day long. An adult realizes that this behavior, in the short term will almost certainly cause the child to have a severe stomach ache and in the long run will cause the child to grow weak as the candy doesn’t adequately nourish the body, though it tastes good. Likewise, God doesn’t give us everything we ask for because sometimes what we ask for is short-sighted and over the long run will do us more harm than good. I invite you to read the parable I wrote in the post just before this, to help explain a little more.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Confession is Good for the Soul
Tonight was St. Ann's Lenten Penance Service. As Catholics, we are called to confess our sins to a priest at least once per year. This penance service involves a communal reflection on the two great commandments (To love the Lord God with your whole heart, mind, soul, and strength; and to love your neighbor as yourself), reflection on when we have failed to live up to those commandments, private confession of those times when we have failed Christ to a priest, the receiving of absolution of those sins, and specific actions which are taken to demonstrate our intention to change.
During reflection, I came to the conclusion that the root cause of my sins was that I did not trust God to provide for me. I was spending too much because I didn't trust God to provide and I was being impatient for the same reason. I also realized that I had many talents and gifts which were just not being used, and that this is something I need to actively work to change. What good is a talent or gift if the Body of Christ does not benefit because of it?
Now, when I confessed what I believed my sins to be, the priest pointed out to me that I have plenty of trust in God. My problem is that I don't always like the WAY God chooses to provide things to me. He was exactly right. It isn't that I think God isn't going to give me all that I need, it's that I don't think He's going to give me what I want that causes me to overspend. I'm not willing to accept His will, and when He does choose to provide me with gifts if they aren't what I expected, I tend to reject them.
After doing the penance the priest prescribed of three Our Fathers, three Hail Mary's and three Glory Be's, it struck me how to share with others what I had just learned. I will call this the Parable of the Tin Can.
A man was lost in the desert. As he wandered, he became thirsty. He prayed to God to provide him with water that he might not die of thirst. Soon afterward, he spotted a rusted tin can. The can, however, was not the water he had prayed for and so he continued on, leaving the humble can behind. Frustrated and miserable, thirstier than ever, the man again prayed to God, “Lord, I am so very thirsty. Please give me something to drink that I might live.” After several more hours like this, the man gave up and sat down. Weeping in misery, the man turned to the Lord in anger. “Lord, I prayed with all my heart that you would send me something to drink and all that I found all day long was a rusted tin can. Why do you ignore my pleas?”
When the man had ceased his crying and was too exhausted and thirsty to complain any longer, the Lord at last spoke. “You asked me for water, yet you had nothing in which to hold the water. If I had provided you water when you asked for it, you would have had but a single sip and then you would have had nothing more to drink because the water would have seeped out from between your fingers. That rusted tin can was no small gift from me. It was everything you needed, for in it you can not only hold water and drink your fill, you can also use it to gather and cook food, and the parts of the can which are not rusted may be used to signal for help so that you may be rescued from this desert. In your urgency, you sought to take care of but one need. In my love I have provided for all of them. Go back and retrieve your can, and the next time you pray remember that what I send to you may not be what you have asked for, but it is assuredly exactly what you need.”
During reflection, I came to the conclusion that the root cause of my sins was that I did not trust God to provide for me. I was spending too much because I didn't trust God to provide and I was being impatient for the same reason. I also realized that I had many talents and gifts which were just not being used, and that this is something I need to actively work to change. What good is a talent or gift if the Body of Christ does not benefit because of it?
Now, when I confessed what I believed my sins to be, the priest pointed out to me that I have plenty of trust in God. My problem is that I don't always like the WAY God chooses to provide things to me. He was exactly right. It isn't that I think God isn't going to give me all that I need, it's that I don't think He's going to give me what I want that causes me to overspend. I'm not willing to accept His will, and when He does choose to provide me with gifts if they aren't what I expected, I tend to reject them.
After doing the penance the priest prescribed of three Our Fathers, three Hail Mary's and three Glory Be's, it struck me how to share with others what I had just learned. I will call this the Parable of the Tin Can.
A man was lost in the desert. As he wandered, he became thirsty. He prayed to God to provide him with water that he might not die of thirst. Soon afterward, he spotted a rusted tin can. The can, however, was not the water he had prayed for and so he continued on, leaving the humble can behind. Frustrated and miserable, thirstier than ever, the man again prayed to God, “Lord, I am so very thirsty. Please give me something to drink that I might live.” After several more hours like this, the man gave up and sat down. Weeping in misery, the man turned to the Lord in anger. “Lord, I prayed with all my heart that you would send me something to drink and all that I found all day long was a rusted tin can. Why do you ignore my pleas?”
When the man had ceased his crying and was too exhausted and thirsty to complain any longer, the Lord at last spoke. “You asked me for water, yet you had nothing in which to hold the water. If I had provided you water when you asked for it, you would have had but a single sip and then you would have had nothing more to drink because the water would have seeped out from between your fingers. That rusted tin can was no small gift from me. It was everything you needed, for in it you can not only hold water and drink your fill, you can also use it to gather and cook food, and the parts of the can which are not rusted may be used to signal for help so that you may be rescued from this desert. In your urgency, you sought to take care of but one need. In my love I have provided for all of them. Go back and retrieve your can, and the next time you pray remember that what I send to you may not be what you have asked for, but it is assuredly exactly what you need.”
Sunday, March 16, 2008
So many changes...
Many things in my life have changed since I last wrote. First, that my husband has finally located a good, full-time, permanent position with a small company which has plenty of room for him to grow. I would like to say I had been praying for months, but that's not really accurate. I desperately wanted it, mind you, but I hadn't yet turned it over to God. I began praying on February 21, 2008 that he would at last find "an occupation within his vocation" at home, by myself as part of my prayer of the rosary. The morning of February 26th, I attended morning mass and then went in front of the Blessed Sacrament with my prayer. I did this again on Thursday, February 27th. That afternoon, he called to tell me he had an interview on Friday. I went a third time the morning of Friday, February 28th. That afternoon, he called and told me he not only had a job but that he started Monday! He had been out of work since the end of September 2007! Praise be to God Almighty, for whom nothing is impossible, praise be to Jesus Christ His Only Son, who answers all prayers, praise be to the True Presence of Christ as available to us in the Blessed Sacrament through which we are given direct access to Him in His physical being, praise be to the Virgin Mother who brings all our prayers and petitions before her Blessed Son.
As it happened, we were short the money for rent because that Tuesday his unemployment had failed to come in. We thought we would be okay, that we could delay long enough to pay rent the next Thursday when my paycheck came in. Unfortunately, my check ended up being delayed. We weren't sure when exactly my husband would get his first paycheck or how much of a paycheck we would receive. We had rent due, plus late fees, a car payment due, and an electric bill due for a total of just over $1500 we needed plus we were $400 overdrawn on my bank account. When I did finally get paid, it was only $1000. There seemed to be no way we could avoid getting evicted. I brought it before God. On Friday the 14th my husband got a full paycheck - $1100. Enough to not only pay the remainder of what we had to pay but also to ensure we would have gasoline and groceries. Again, I say, Praise be to God.
I had won tickets to the second decade tour for Catholic Answers live - a family pass, in fact, allowing me, my mother, and my son to go to the conference for both days at no cost. I was excited to go, but even more excited because this was a real gift to my mother and something she could in no way afford to do for herself. It was such an amazing thing that I won the tickets to begin with. In December of 2006, I was praying very hard for the life of the niece of a friend of mine. The niece had been diagnosed with an incurable and rare disease. She was 5'6 and weighed only 90 pounds. Doctors had told my friend the niece wouldn't make it to see New Years day. The Guadalupe Radio Network, which hosts Catholic Answers Live, was having a telethon to raise money and they promised that for those who contributed they would keep bringing the intentions of the donors before their listeners. I thought there was no better way I could spend my money than to get that young girls name out to people who would be more faithful about praying than I would. I pledged $25 a month - and was faithful to the pledge even when times were hard and it actually cost me more than that because my account went into overdraft. I never listened to GRN even one time during the entire year that I was a donor. In fact, I didn't begin to listen to them until February. One day I was listening at work and heard that they had a family pass of tickets for the first caller who had donated in the past - I called and won the tickets! God rewarded my past generosity twice over. The girl that I had been praying for, and still do, has lived and moreover has gone back to 140 pounds. She still doesn't have a perfectly normal life, but she lives and where there is breath there is hope.
At any rate, so I won these tickets and was able to take my mother to the conference. To my surprise, my son agreed to go with me. He had attended a mission with me that week at church, and I really think it had a very big impact on him. He's such a deep thinker. At any rate, during the conference I got several huge blessings: 1) My son has decided that he does indeed want to be baptized into the Catholic Church 2) my son is considering the possibility he may have a call to the priesthood 2) my mother was able to meet a personal hero of hers, Rosalyn Moss 3) Rosalyn is starting a religious order and my mother may be joining it! 4) I was able to purchase the CAL Faith Deposit Box for only $30 - it contains 1500 books of Church doctrine, including several different versions of the Bible, writings by Early Church Fathers and Doctors of the Church, as well as the Catholic Catechism, and Papal writings. This purchase will not only further my own personal Catholic education but provide me the tools I need to write, and write with accuracy, the Catholic role playing game I intend to create. What we need, God provides in abundance!
I am tired, it's late, and I have work tomorrow. However, I enter the new day refreshed with the waters of hope and certain that the Love of God will continue to rain down upon my family. God does not always show His love by wealth, but sometimes through suffering too. Whichever way He choses, I am happy to be His.
As it happened, we were short the money for rent because that Tuesday his unemployment had failed to come in. We thought we would be okay, that we could delay long enough to pay rent the next Thursday when my paycheck came in. Unfortunately, my check ended up being delayed. We weren't sure when exactly my husband would get his first paycheck or how much of a paycheck we would receive. We had rent due, plus late fees, a car payment due, and an electric bill due for a total of just over $1500 we needed plus we were $400 overdrawn on my bank account. When I did finally get paid, it was only $1000. There seemed to be no way we could avoid getting evicted. I brought it before God. On Friday the 14th my husband got a full paycheck - $1100. Enough to not only pay the remainder of what we had to pay but also to ensure we would have gasoline and groceries. Again, I say, Praise be to God.
I had won tickets to the second decade tour for Catholic Answers live - a family pass, in fact, allowing me, my mother, and my son to go to the conference for both days at no cost. I was excited to go, but even more excited because this was a real gift to my mother and something she could in no way afford to do for herself. It was such an amazing thing that I won the tickets to begin with. In December of 2006, I was praying very hard for the life of the niece of a friend of mine. The niece had been diagnosed with an incurable and rare disease. She was 5'6 and weighed only 90 pounds. Doctors had told my friend the niece wouldn't make it to see New Years day. The Guadalupe Radio Network, which hosts Catholic Answers Live, was having a telethon to raise money and they promised that for those who contributed they would keep bringing the intentions of the donors before their listeners. I thought there was no better way I could spend my money than to get that young girls name out to people who would be more faithful about praying than I would. I pledged $25 a month - and was faithful to the pledge even when times were hard and it actually cost me more than that because my account went into overdraft. I never listened to GRN even one time during the entire year that I was a donor. In fact, I didn't begin to listen to them until February. One day I was listening at work and heard that they had a family pass of tickets for the first caller who had donated in the past - I called and won the tickets! God rewarded my past generosity twice over. The girl that I had been praying for, and still do, has lived and moreover has gone back to 140 pounds. She still doesn't have a perfectly normal life, but she lives and where there is breath there is hope.
At any rate, so I won these tickets and was able to take my mother to the conference. To my surprise, my son agreed to go with me. He had attended a mission with me that week at church, and I really think it had a very big impact on him. He's such a deep thinker. At any rate, during the conference I got several huge blessings: 1) My son has decided that he does indeed want to be baptized into the Catholic Church 2) my son is considering the possibility he may have a call to the priesthood 2) my mother was able to meet a personal hero of hers, Rosalyn Moss 3) Rosalyn is starting a religious order and my mother may be joining it! 4) I was able to purchase the CAL Faith Deposit Box for only $30 - it contains 1500 books of Church doctrine, including several different versions of the Bible, writings by Early Church Fathers and Doctors of the Church, as well as the Catholic Catechism, and Papal writings. This purchase will not only further my own personal Catholic education but provide me the tools I need to write, and write with accuracy, the Catholic role playing game I intend to create. What we need, God provides in abundance!
I am tired, it's late, and I have work tomorrow. However, I enter the new day refreshed with the waters of hope and certain that the Love of God will continue to rain down upon my family. God does not always show His love by wealth, but sometimes through suffering too. Whichever way He choses, I am happy to be His.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Crisis of Faith
Every Christian will eventually face a moment in time when their faith is tested by an evil event which occurs in their lives and they must suddenly reconcile the concept of an all-powerful and loving God with a God who permits evil things to be done to those who follow Him. This evil event can be the death of a child, a spouse, a parent, or a close friend. It can be an incident of rape or abuse. It can be learning that the person, or someone they love, has a life-threatening illness, or a time when they suffer chronic unrelieved physical pain. It can be a natural disaster that destroys everything they own. It can also be something smaller, like the loss of a job or a time of poverty.
Whatever the trial that is allowed to enter into their life, there are two kinds of Christians: those who throw up their hands and say, “WHY ME?” and those who recognize the trial as part of the Cross necessary for salvation and pick it up. The “WHY ME?” crowd often give in to anger and, rather than picking up their cross and following the Lord as they had promised to do, abandon the Lord and give up on the Redeemer. Even if they continue to go through the motions of faith such as going to Church, their inward faith is tarnished.
It is unfortunate, but true, that I was once a “WHY ME?” crowd member. I endured four years of sexual abuse at the hands of my stepfather when I was just a child. When he was finally removed from my life, I didn’t have someone around who was strong in the faith to help me make sense of this terrible thing. I became angry with God because I felt that He had failed to protect me. I thought that somehow I must have been rejected by Him, for it looked to me as if He hadn’t cared enough about me to stop these terrible things from happening. In my eyes, this was just one more incident of people who were supposed to protect me failing to do so. It was just one more reason not to trust.
I wandered far off the path of righteousness in my anger and hurt. God kept calling me, and sometimes His call would be strong enough that I would find the path again and try to walk it but my steps were unsteady and I would eventually come up against another test which would start the process of “WHY ME?” all over again.
There were two huge moments where I began to transform how I saw these times of trial, and my perception of the reason that God allows such evil to enter into our lives. The first moment was when the Holy Spirit helped me to understand the true nature of God’s gift of Free Will. God’s gift of Free Will was given to man because that gift is a requirement for a real relationship. Real relationships have to be open to the possibility of rejection, because they have to be a choice. God wants a real relationship with mankind. He WANTS for us to CHOOSE to be with Him. Yes, He has the power to force us to worship Him, but He chooses to allow us to go our own way. To encourage us to choose the right path, though, He set into motion consequences for each action. When we sin, it hurts others even as it hurts us.
Now, because God is God, when He promises something, He does not break that promise. Yes, He knows that the person has intentions of sinning because He knows what is in their heart. However, right up until the moment the act is committed the person still has the chance to turn from their sin. If God interferes and stops them before they sin, He takes away the chance for them to turn away from that sin. After the sin has occurred, God does not abandon either the sinner or the one sinned against. The sinner is still offered the opportunity to repent and be forgiven. The one sinned against is given opportunities to gain in grace by first offering up this trial to God, second allowing God to use this pain for good of others who have been similarly victimized by sin, and third helping with the redemption of the sinner by offering them our forgiveness. However, here again free will comes into play. We can choose, instead of offering up this trial, to hug this trial close to ourselves and be cut by its jagged edges, poisoned by its venom.
The second moment where I began to transform how I saw my times of trial came during a prayer group session. I admitted that when I was in pain or in suffering, rather than turning to God I often tended to turn away from Him. I admitted that I struggled with feeling abandoned by Him during these moments, as if He didn’t care or didn’t love me. One man in the group looked at me and asked me whether I believe that God loves His Son, Jesus. I answered that I knew He did. The man then reminded me of the terrible, horrible suffering that Jesus endured the day He died on the cross. He then asked me, “If God who loves His Son allowed Jesus to suffer, what makes YOU so special?”. I was absolutely humbled. He was right. God hadn’t allowed me to suffer because He didn’t love me, but precisely because He DID.
Every holy man and woman of God has suffered at some point in time. The Holiest of them were blessed to suffer often and greatly. Peter, Paul, and every saint in history has suffered for their faith. Christ himself suffered so much on the cross that at one point even HE cried out, “My God, My God, Why have you abandoned me?” That line actually comes from Psalms, and by using it Christ was showing us how we are to get through those dark times: pray. Christ assured us that as Christians we would, if we wanted to follow Him, HAVE to pick up our cross and follow Him. That cross comes in many different forms and isn’t always easy to recognize at first. It can be a small cross, such as the loss of a job or a brief time of poverty. It can be a large cross like chronic pain, or an incurable disease which threatens our life. However, the assurance that we are given is that picking up these crosses will help us to die to the sin and be given new life in Christ. It doesn’t mean that the journey will be easy; it certainly wasn’t for Christ, but that the results are assured. We will be given new life if we can see our struggle through to the end and offer it up to the God whose power can transform even the greatest of evils into the greatest of good.
Whatever the trial that is allowed to enter into their life, there are two kinds of Christians: those who throw up their hands and say, “WHY ME?” and those who recognize the trial as part of the Cross necessary for salvation and pick it up. The “WHY ME?” crowd often give in to anger and, rather than picking up their cross and following the Lord as they had promised to do, abandon the Lord and give up on the Redeemer. Even if they continue to go through the motions of faith such as going to Church, their inward faith is tarnished.
It is unfortunate, but true, that I was once a “WHY ME?” crowd member. I endured four years of sexual abuse at the hands of my stepfather when I was just a child. When he was finally removed from my life, I didn’t have someone around who was strong in the faith to help me make sense of this terrible thing. I became angry with God because I felt that He had failed to protect me. I thought that somehow I must have been rejected by Him, for it looked to me as if He hadn’t cared enough about me to stop these terrible things from happening. In my eyes, this was just one more incident of people who were supposed to protect me failing to do so. It was just one more reason not to trust.
I wandered far off the path of righteousness in my anger and hurt. God kept calling me, and sometimes His call would be strong enough that I would find the path again and try to walk it but my steps were unsteady and I would eventually come up against another test which would start the process of “WHY ME?” all over again.
There were two huge moments where I began to transform how I saw these times of trial, and my perception of the reason that God allows such evil to enter into our lives. The first moment was when the Holy Spirit helped me to understand the true nature of God’s gift of Free Will. God’s gift of Free Will was given to man because that gift is a requirement for a real relationship. Real relationships have to be open to the possibility of rejection, because they have to be a choice. God wants a real relationship with mankind. He WANTS for us to CHOOSE to be with Him. Yes, He has the power to force us to worship Him, but He chooses to allow us to go our own way. To encourage us to choose the right path, though, He set into motion consequences for each action. When we sin, it hurts others even as it hurts us.
Now, because God is God, when He promises something, He does not break that promise. Yes, He knows that the person has intentions of sinning because He knows what is in their heart. However, right up until the moment the act is committed the person still has the chance to turn from their sin. If God interferes and stops them before they sin, He takes away the chance for them to turn away from that sin. After the sin has occurred, God does not abandon either the sinner or the one sinned against. The sinner is still offered the opportunity to repent and be forgiven. The one sinned against is given opportunities to gain in grace by first offering up this trial to God, second allowing God to use this pain for good of others who have been similarly victimized by sin, and third helping with the redemption of the sinner by offering them our forgiveness. However, here again free will comes into play. We can choose, instead of offering up this trial, to hug this trial close to ourselves and be cut by its jagged edges, poisoned by its venom.
The second moment where I began to transform how I saw my times of trial came during a prayer group session. I admitted that when I was in pain or in suffering, rather than turning to God I often tended to turn away from Him. I admitted that I struggled with feeling abandoned by Him during these moments, as if He didn’t care or didn’t love me. One man in the group looked at me and asked me whether I believe that God loves His Son, Jesus. I answered that I knew He did. The man then reminded me of the terrible, horrible suffering that Jesus endured the day He died on the cross. He then asked me, “If God who loves His Son allowed Jesus to suffer, what makes YOU so special?”. I was absolutely humbled. He was right. God hadn’t allowed me to suffer because He didn’t love me, but precisely because He DID.
Every holy man and woman of God has suffered at some point in time. The Holiest of them were blessed to suffer often and greatly. Peter, Paul, and every saint in history has suffered for their faith. Christ himself suffered so much on the cross that at one point even HE cried out, “My God, My God, Why have you abandoned me?” That line actually comes from Psalms, and by using it Christ was showing us how we are to get through those dark times: pray. Christ assured us that as Christians we would, if we wanted to follow Him, HAVE to pick up our cross and follow Him. That cross comes in many different forms and isn’t always easy to recognize at first. It can be a small cross, such as the loss of a job or a brief time of poverty. It can be a large cross like chronic pain, or an incurable disease which threatens our life. However, the assurance that we are given is that picking up these crosses will help us to die to the sin and be given new life in Christ. It doesn’t mean that the journey will be easy; it certainly wasn’t for Christ, but that the results are assured. We will be given new life if we can see our struggle through to the end and offer it up to the God whose power can transform even the greatest of evils into the greatest of good.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
New Songs I Wrote
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. Today was very inspirational. I wrote a couple of new songs:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Called into Life
Choose Life, You challenge me
Give this child a chance to be
At this time when I cannot see
the beauty of the forest for the trees
Grant me the strength to break free
to see this as a gift rather than misery
When just a single cell,
Your eyes could tell
The finished shape of the shell
Even before I began to swell
You formed the child to dwell
Fearfully and wonderfully made, so well
Created with love by Your hand
I’m trying hard to understand
How this tiny life fits in Your plan
Still I know You’re greater than
The troubles of today and
So I’ll place it in Your hands
Refrain:
Called into life by You, this child grows
Called for a purpose only You can know
Though its hard for me to believe
For only you can conceive
The harvest of the seeds that we sow
The way in which Your mighty wind blows
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Forever, Amen
Everyone said it couldn’t last
We were just too young to know
Barely in our teens, moving fast
When they said stop, we said go
High school together was a blast
Though we had our share of rows
Looking back now on our past
I’m glad we let love grow
We took our vows at just nineteen
Had our son the very next year
We didn’t have a penny to be seen
We struggled on and faced our fears
Time taught us both how to lean
Through the laughter and the tears
I know you know just what I mean
When I say I’m so glad you’re here
Refrain
In this world where vows are made to be broken
And forever is replaced by until then
We stand by the words that we’ve spoken
We don’t forget where we’ve been
Our love is real; it’s more than a token
I’ll be with you forever, amen
-------------------------------------------
If You Only Knew
It’s so hard to stand here in the rain
It’s so hard when I see all your pain
I want to reach for you
I want to scream for you
I want to run for you
I want to hold you close and never let go
But I know, yes I know
I know I’m not worthy
I know all the things I’ve done
And all I’ve become
And If you really knew me
would you still be standing here?
If you really knew me
Would you still say you love me?
This web of lies has bound me tight
I struggle hard but loose the fight
Cacoon of sin, can’t see the light
Is there ever a way to set this thing right?
I try to hide, take refuge in night
But you’re always there, shining so bright
If you only knew, what would you do?
I know I’m not worthy
I know all the things I’ve done
And all I’ve become
And If you really knew me
would you still be standing here?
If you really knew me
Would you still say you love me
You call my name, I hide my face
You take my hand, you close the space
You pull me close into your warn embrace
Your words they strip me so completely
Lies fall in tatters and now I can see
You knew all along, how can this be?
You know I’m not worthy
You know all the things I’ve done
And all I’ve become
Yes, you really know me
and you’re still standing there
Yes, you really know me
And you still say you love me
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Called into Life
Choose Life, You challenge me
Give this child a chance to be
At this time when I cannot see
the beauty of the forest for the trees
Grant me the strength to break free
to see this as a gift rather than misery
When just a single cell,
Your eyes could tell
The finished shape of the shell
Even before I began to swell
You formed the child to dwell
Fearfully and wonderfully made, so well
Created with love by Your hand
I’m trying hard to understand
How this tiny life fits in Your plan
Still I know You’re greater than
The troubles of today and
So I’ll place it in Your hands
Refrain:
Called into life by You, this child grows
Called for a purpose only You can know
Though its hard for me to believe
For only you can conceive
The harvest of the seeds that we sow
The way in which Your mighty wind blows
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Forever, Amen
Everyone said it couldn’t last
We were just too young to know
Barely in our teens, moving fast
When they said stop, we said go
High school together was a blast
Though we had our share of rows
Looking back now on our past
I’m glad we let love grow
We took our vows at just nineteen
Had our son the very next year
We didn’t have a penny to be seen
We struggled on and faced our fears
Time taught us both how to lean
Through the laughter and the tears
I know you know just what I mean
When I say I’m so glad you’re here
Refrain
In this world where vows are made to be broken
And forever is replaced by until then
We stand by the words that we’ve spoken
We don’t forget where we’ve been
Our love is real; it’s more than a token
I’ll be with you forever, amen
-------------------------------------------
If You Only Knew
It’s so hard to stand here in the rain
It’s so hard when I see all your pain
I want to reach for you
I want to scream for you
I want to run for you
I want to hold you close and never let go
But I know, yes I know
I know I’m not worthy
I know all the things I’ve done
And all I’ve become
And If you really knew me
would you still be standing here?
If you really knew me
Would you still say you love me?
This web of lies has bound me tight
I struggle hard but loose the fight
Cacoon of sin, can’t see the light
Is there ever a way to set this thing right?
I try to hide, take refuge in night
But you’re always there, shining so bright
If you only knew, what would you do?
I know I’m not worthy
I know all the things I’ve done
And all I’ve become
And If you really knew me
would you still be standing here?
If you really knew me
Would you still say you love me
You call my name, I hide my face
You take my hand, you close the space
You pull me close into your warn embrace
Your words they strip me so completely
Lies fall in tatters and now I can see
You knew all along, how can this be?
You know I’m not worthy
You know all the things I’ve done
And all I’ve become
Yes, you really know me
and you’re still standing there
Yes, you really know me
And you still say you love me
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
A day of prayer
I blew it. Totally. I was confronted with a crisis yesterday and instead of turning to God, I resorted to my old fear-based tactics. As a consequence, I spent a lot of today meditating on the nature of my relationship with God and the changes that I need to make in that arena. How can I be a beacon of hope if the first winds that blow keep blowing my flame out? How can I teach anyone else to have faith if my own faith isn't strong enough to meet life's challenges? How can I be an example of the strength of the faith when I'm not strong myself? These are the questions that I pondered today.
As I was praying this morning, the song by Jeremy Camp, "Walk by Faith" kept popping into my head - but not the full song just bits and pieces of the lyrics. It prompted me to search the internet for a way to listen to the song, as I really needed to hear the full thing. Not only did I stumble on Jango which is great, but was introduced to a variety of Christian songs I hadn't heard before that lifted my spirits tremendously and really inspired me. In fact, I was inspired enough that I wrote two songs of my own in a two hour period.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fortress
You hide from me
In your fortress built of stone
When I knock at the door
You pretend you're not home
I hear your cries behind the wall
I hear your sighs and moans
If you'd just take my hand
You wouldn't have to be alone
I know why you hide in the dark
I see where the bruises left their mark
You thought you could hide from the pain
So it would never find you again
If only you had known how lonely it would be
Behind your walls of misery
It doesn't have to be this way.
The walls don't have to stay.
I'll wait here for you, on the other side of that wall.
I'll stay here for you, until I hear you call.
I weep for your pain, I ache for your fears.
I've counted each and every one of your tears.
I'll hope for the day when you open that door,
I won't force it open; it would just hurt you more.
I'll count on the angels to carry these notes to you
And pray that my song is getting through.
Refrain:
Your prison is your own design
The doors locked from the inside
Step out into the light, taste the sunshine
Freedom is waiting, Love is calling
Let me lead, surrender your heart to mine
Trust is hard, but this is where we begin
Reclaim the world you left behind
When you locked yourself away
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Forgive Me
Looking back, it's not so hard to see
How much you've been there for me
But when I'm facing my fears
The habits of so many years
Take over and reason quickly flies
Suddenly I'm caught up in the lies.
When I know how much you've been through
Why do I heap more thorns on the crown for you?
I know that I don't have any right
To hide away from your light
But it's hard to look you in the face
When I feel like I'm such a disgrace
Can you still forgive me for being so weak and frail?
Can you still forgive me no matter how often I fail?
You gave your life to set me free
from my chains of sin and misery
Help me to remember, when I'm afraid,
All the sacrifices that you've made.
Refrain:
I know I should believe that you'll be there.
I know that you love me and that you care.
Why is it so easy for me to go astray?
When I need you most why do I turn away?
Has there ever been a saint made of such a sinner?
How can a loser like me ever hope to be a winner?
As I was praying this morning, the song by Jeremy Camp, "Walk by Faith" kept popping into my head - but not the full song just bits and pieces of the lyrics. It prompted me to search the internet for a way to listen to the song, as I really needed to hear the full thing. Not only did I stumble on Jango which is great, but was introduced to a variety of Christian songs I hadn't heard before that lifted my spirits tremendously and really inspired me. In fact, I was inspired enough that I wrote two songs of my own in a two hour period.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fortress
You hide from me
In your fortress built of stone
When I knock at the door
You pretend you're not home
I hear your cries behind the wall
I hear your sighs and moans
If you'd just take my hand
You wouldn't have to be alone
I know why you hide in the dark
I see where the bruises left their mark
You thought you could hide from the pain
So it would never find you again
If only you had known how lonely it would be
Behind your walls of misery
It doesn't have to be this way.
The walls don't have to stay.
I'll wait here for you, on the other side of that wall.
I'll stay here for you, until I hear you call.
I weep for your pain, I ache for your fears.
I've counted each and every one of your tears.
I'll hope for the day when you open that door,
I won't force it open; it would just hurt you more.
I'll count on the angels to carry these notes to you
And pray that my song is getting through.
Refrain:
Your prison is your own design
The doors locked from the inside
Step out into the light, taste the sunshine
Freedom is waiting, Love is calling
Let me lead, surrender your heart to mine
Trust is hard, but this is where we begin
Reclaim the world you left behind
When you locked yourself away
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Forgive Me
Looking back, it's not so hard to see
How much you've been there for me
But when I'm facing my fears
The habits of so many years
Take over and reason quickly flies
Suddenly I'm caught up in the lies.
When I know how much you've been through
Why do I heap more thorns on the crown for you?
I know that I don't have any right
To hide away from your light
But it's hard to look you in the face
When I feel like I'm such a disgrace
Can you still forgive me for being so weak and frail?
Can you still forgive me no matter how often I fail?
You gave your life to set me free
from my chains of sin and misery
Help me to remember, when I'm afraid,
All the sacrifices that you've made.
Refrain:
I know I should believe that you'll be there.
I know that you love me and that you care.
Why is it so easy for me to go astray?
When I need you most why do I turn away?
Has there ever been a saint made of such a sinner?
How can a loser like me ever hope to be a winner?
My Father in Heaven,
Just when I think I am beginning to grow in the faith, you send me a crisis and I find out how small my faith truly is. I failed you. The crisis came and I did not believe you would help me. I resorted to tactics of lying. How long will I be like this? How long before I become a woman of faith? I can talk the faith, and I can profess the belief, but my actions make it all a lie.
How can I teach my husband and son to believe in you and have faith in you when I don’t? How can I teach others not to be afraid when I am full of fear? Yet here it is, at the bottom of it all. My heart accuses you: you aren’t here for me when I need you most. I look but I do not see you. My head says that’s not true. I know that you have sheltered me from the worst of storms many times over, but at the moment of crisis I am like the abandoned child all over again, sure that no help will come. I know that my sins are a barrier, and that it is my sins which prevent your help from reaching me. But how do I abandon the sin when I don’t know for sure that you will be there when I do?
You have every right to ask me to trust you. You created me, breathed life in me, and have watched over me every day. I know this is true, but I do not feel that it is true. Oh, Father, have mercy on me. Help me to know you better. Help me to be more confident in your love. Help me to give myself over to your will, even when your will doesn’t fit my own thoughts of what should be. Help me to trust that in all things you are doing what is best for me. Help me to believe, and help me to have faith. Keep and protect me from damaging our relationship through sin.
Your unworthy handmaiden,
Brandy
Just when I think I am beginning to grow in the faith, you send me a crisis and I find out how small my faith truly is. I failed you. The crisis came and I did not believe you would help me. I resorted to tactics of lying. How long will I be like this? How long before I become a woman of faith? I can talk the faith, and I can profess the belief, but my actions make it all a lie.
How can I teach my husband and son to believe in you and have faith in you when I don’t? How can I teach others not to be afraid when I am full of fear? Yet here it is, at the bottom of it all. My heart accuses you: you aren’t here for me when I need you most. I look but I do not see you. My head says that’s not true. I know that you have sheltered me from the worst of storms many times over, but at the moment of crisis I am like the abandoned child all over again, sure that no help will come. I know that my sins are a barrier, and that it is my sins which prevent your help from reaching me. But how do I abandon the sin when I don’t know for sure that you will be there when I do?
You have every right to ask me to trust you. You created me, breathed life in me, and have watched over me every day. I know this is true, but I do not feel that it is true. Oh, Father, have mercy on me. Help me to know you better. Help me to be more confident in your love. Help me to give myself over to your will, even when your will doesn’t fit my own thoughts of what should be. Help me to trust that in all things you are doing what is best for me. Help me to believe, and help me to have faith. Keep and protect me from damaging our relationship through sin.
Your unworthy handmaiden,
Brandy
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Welcome!
Welcome to Life in the Cereal Bowl! Why the Cereal Bowl? Because Life is full to the brim with Fruits, Nuts, and Flakes, that's why! If you must know, I'm a nut. If you're a stranger (and you can't be much stranger than I am), that's Ms. Nut to you!
This blog is mine. These are my thoughts, my opinions, my beliefs. You are welcome to argue, disbelieve, disagree, or in general think that I am nuts. However, unless you can present some well thought-out arguments, please understand that you are not likely to change my opinions or my beliefs. If you decide to comment, and I do welcome comments, you hereby agree that you are therefore entering into a discussion and that I will at all times reserve the right to respectfully reply.
If you're curious about who I am, here are the basic facts: I was born in Little Rock, Arkansas. I was raised in Denton, Texas. I married at 18 and am still married to the same man nearly 14 years later. I have a 12 year old son. I have an associates degree in elementary education. I have worked as a secretary for a lot of my life, including a sales secretary for 5 years and a marketing assistant for the past 8 months. I live in Lewisville, Texas and have lived here for the past year and a half.
I have not previously been politically active, but I am beginning to change that. I did not always think my opinion mattered and so I did not voice it with my vote. I have since come to realize that my silence is taken as permission both in the political arena and in human interactions. I have decided that I have been silent long enough on too many fronts. I have unique experiences, insights, and understandings that need to be shared that others might benefit from them.
If you're still here, welcome. Strap yourself on in and be prepared!
This blog is mine. These are my thoughts, my opinions, my beliefs. You are welcome to argue, disbelieve, disagree, or in general think that I am nuts. However, unless you can present some well thought-out arguments, please understand that you are not likely to change my opinions or my beliefs. If you decide to comment, and I do welcome comments, you hereby agree that you are therefore entering into a discussion and that I will at all times reserve the right to respectfully reply.
If you're curious about who I am, here are the basic facts: I was born in Little Rock, Arkansas. I was raised in Denton, Texas. I married at 18 and am still married to the same man nearly 14 years later. I have a 12 year old son. I have an associates degree in elementary education. I have worked as a secretary for a lot of my life, including a sales secretary for 5 years and a marketing assistant for the past 8 months. I live in Lewisville, Texas and have lived here for the past year and a half.
I have not previously been politically active, but I am beginning to change that. I did not always think my opinion mattered and so I did not voice it with my vote. I have since come to realize that my silence is taken as permission both in the political arena and in human interactions. I have decided that I have been silent long enough on too many fronts. I have unique experiences, insights, and understandings that need to be shared that others might benefit from them.
If you're still here, welcome. Strap yourself on in and be prepared!
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