It's raining right now, as it has been for the past three days. Rain is a sign of God's grace, a free gift of love that He gives to us as a sign of His ongoing love for us. It washes the earth, cleaning what was dirty and making it new. It softens the earth, preparing it to receive the seeds of love. It waters those seeds, allowing them to grow and then to bear fruit. Sometimes this rain falls gently, so that one hardly even notices it. Other times it falls so heavy that one cannot doubt its presence and is soon soaked and if caught unaware, even swept away by it.
Those who do not know that this is God's special love may choose to cover themselves up and hide away from the rain. Those who do know set barrels or bowls out to catch it. They run and play in it, splashing in the puddles that collect in the holes which were once a danger but are now filled and healed with God's love - turned into something useful. Others simply watch, marveling at its beauty and power.
Those who are not thankful for the rain today will later miss it when the earth grows parched for lack of it, and the summer's heat bakes them because it is untempered by the mercy of the cooling rain. Water is one of life's great miracles, but it is also one which we most often take for granted, failing to see it as the marvel it truly is.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
God Doesn't Make Junk
Journal entry from January 21, 2009
Last night, for the first time in two months, Randy and I dialogued. It felt so good. The question was how the statement, "God doesn't make junk" made us feel. For the first time in our relationship, my husband wrote that he now believes this is true. He has felt worthless for so many years, and I watned so badly for him to see himself as worthwhile. I knew if he could just believe in God's love for him, it would happen. I praise God I have been here to witness this. What greater gift can I have than a husband who sees himself as worthwhile, for out of that fountain of grace he will fidn the courage to become all that God intends him to be.
This is the 20th day of having prayed a daily rosary. I have not yet prayed it for today, but I will. It fills me with joy to know that I have been able to live up to this devotion and pledge. How sweet the rewards that have come of faithfulness.
Interesting note: a friend of mine was at morning mass today and I shared with her my husband's conversion. She joked "watch him become a deacon" and then told me the story of Augustine who was confirmed, ordained, and became a bishop all on the same day! I am seeing strong signs pointing towards this path for my husband. God seems to be moving him along very rapidly.
Last night, for the first time in two months, Randy and I dialogued. It felt so good. The question was how the statement, "God doesn't make junk" made us feel. For the first time in our relationship, my husband wrote that he now believes this is true. He has felt worthless for so many years, and I watned so badly for him to see himself as worthwhile. I knew if he could just believe in God's love for him, it would happen. I praise God I have been here to witness this. What greater gift can I have than a husband who sees himself as worthwhile, for out of that fountain of grace he will fidn the courage to become all that God intends him to be.
This is the 20th day of having prayed a daily rosary. I have not yet prayed it for today, but I will. It fills me with joy to know that I have been able to live up to this devotion and pledge. How sweet the rewards that have come of faithfulness.
Interesting note: a friend of mine was at morning mass today and I shared with her my husband's conversion. She joked "watch him become a deacon" and then told me the story of Augustine who was confirmed, ordained, and became a bishop all on the same day! I am seeing strong signs pointing towards this path for my husband. God seems to be moving him along very rapidly.
Pride
Journal Entry: February 7, 2009
Pride. My adversary, my achilles heel. It is what causes me to stumble so often in my efforts to serve, for I long for recognitino and worldly approval. What good is it to do my good works for the Lord and then trumpet them around as if I were so marvelous?
Blessed be Father Patrick. His advise to me in confession was so wonderful. He told me that when I am being praised for doing a good deed, let it be an encouragement for me to do even better the next time. He said such praise confirms that the Lord is using you to touch the life of another, and it is a sign that your steps are on the right path. It does not, however, mean that you should stay where you are but rather use it as a means to grow even closer in your walk with the Lord.
How blessed I am to be a member of St. Ann's, where I have regular access to such a holy priest. What a tender spiritual director he has been over this past year, shepherding me from my sins into a place where I am stronger in my faith than I have ever been.
In my pride, I sometimes find myself observing where others are in their walk and judging them for it. Yet I remember today that if they had received half of the graces, prayers, and guidance that I had received they might well be much further along in their journey than I am - look at my husband, for example! He has received a small fraction of what I was given and alraedy bears fruits of great holiness.
Last night, instead of going to the Apostolate as I should have, I took Eddie to see the Tale of Despereaux. On the way home, I bought a pregnancy test 2-pack and Eddie wanted to purchase a nerf gun with his gift card. His gift card, though, ended up having only $0.61 on it. I paid for the gun since his father and I had borrowed money from him anyway. The total came out to nearly $60. I know we did not have that money to spend, but because I did owe it to Eddie, is it not equally important to pay that debt to him?
At any rate, the pregnancy test came out negative. I am almost a week late, but I will wait until the 10th to take it again and then I will try to see a doctor. If I am not pregnant, something may be wrong.
Last night, before bed we said our family prayers. This morning before Randy left to go to his first retreat, we went to Mass together as a family. How beautiful it is to walk together as a family with the Lord.
Pride. My adversary, my achilles heel. It is what causes me to stumble so often in my efforts to serve, for I long for recognitino and worldly approval. What good is it to do my good works for the Lord and then trumpet them around as if I were so marvelous?
Blessed be Father Patrick. His advise to me in confession was so wonderful. He told me that when I am being praised for doing a good deed, let it be an encouragement for me to do even better the next time. He said such praise confirms that the Lord is using you to touch the life of another, and it is a sign that your steps are on the right path. It does not, however, mean that you should stay where you are but rather use it as a means to grow even closer in your walk with the Lord.
How blessed I am to be a member of St. Ann's, where I have regular access to such a holy priest. What a tender spiritual director he has been over this past year, shepherding me from my sins into a place where I am stronger in my faith than I have ever been.
In my pride, I sometimes find myself observing where others are in their walk and judging them for it. Yet I remember today that if they had received half of the graces, prayers, and guidance that I had received they might well be much further along in their journey than I am - look at my husband, for example! He has received a small fraction of what I was given and alraedy bears fruits of great holiness.
Last night, instead of going to the Apostolate as I should have, I took Eddie to see the Tale of Despereaux. On the way home, I bought a pregnancy test 2-pack and Eddie wanted to purchase a nerf gun with his gift card. His gift card, though, ended up having only $0.61 on it. I paid for the gun since his father and I had borrowed money from him anyway. The total came out to nearly $60. I know we did not have that money to spend, but because I did owe it to Eddie, is it not equally important to pay that debt to him?
At any rate, the pregnancy test came out negative. I am almost a week late, but I will wait until the 10th to take it again and then I will try to see a doctor. If I am not pregnant, something may be wrong.
Last night, before bed we said our family prayers. This morning before Randy left to go to his first retreat, we went to Mass together as a family. How beautiful it is to walk together as a family with the Lord.
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