Pride

Journal Entry: February 7, 2009

Pride. My adversary, my achilles heel. It is what causes me to stumble so often in my efforts to serve, for I long for recognitino and worldly approval. What good is it to do my good works for the Lord and then trumpet them around as if I were so marvelous?

Blessed be Father Patrick. His advise to me in confession was so wonderful. He told me that when I am being praised for doing a good deed, let it be an encouragement for me to do even better the next time. He said such praise confirms that the Lord is using you to touch the life of another, and it is a sign that your steps are on the right path. It does not, however, mean that you should stay where you are but rather use it as a means to grow even closer in your walk with the Lord.

How blessed I am to be a member of St. Ann's, where I have regular access to such a holy priest. What a tender spiritual director he has been over this past year, shepherding me from my sins into a place where I am stronger in my faith than I have ever been.

In my pride, I sometimes find myself observing where others are in their walk and judging them for it. Yet I remember today that if they had received half of the graces, prayers, and guidance that I had received they might well be much further along in their journey than I am - look at my husband, for example! He has received a small fraction of what I was given and alraedy bears fruits of great holiness.

Last night, instead of going to the Apostolate as I should have, I took Eddie to see the Tale of Despereaux. On the way home, I bought a pregnancy test 2-pack and Eddie wanted to purchase a nerf gun with his gift card. His gift card, though, ended up having only $0.61 on it. I paid for the gun since his father and I had borrowed money from him anyway. The total came out to nearly $60. I know we did not have that money to spend, but because I did owe it to Eddie, is it not equally important to pay that debt to him?

At any rate, the pregnancy test came out negative. I am almost a week late, but I will wait until the 10th to take it again and then I will try to see a doctor. If I am not pregnant, something may be wrong.

Last night, before bed we said our family prayers. This morning before Randy left to go to his first retreat, we went to Mass together as a family. How beautiful it is to walk together as a family with the Lord.