This weekend, my husband attended RCIA for the first time. Bill is coming over tonight so that he and Randy can get to know one another better and work on catching him up to speed. What a grace!
Last night, my husband revealed to me his anxieties about the future, and his feelings of inadequacy because he is unable to fully provide for us. I began to pray for him. During mass this morning, I got the message loud and clear: pray that you can be made new so that you can properly handle the prosperity I desire to pour into you.
Dear God,
I have heard your message to me and to my beloved. How well I know our need to be made new, crafted and fashioned in your image and likeness! Yet I also know that we have within us attachment to sin and wilfulness against obedience which hobbles us and prevents us from freely following you.
Lord, I desire to please you but my own desire for pleasure and comfort blinds my heart to the pains which my selfishness causes you. I am not ready to be made new because my heart is made of stone. So, Father, I do not ask you to give me prosperity, because I am all to o aware of my need to be made new for you. I do not ask you to make me new because my heart is not sincere in desire for this. I ask, instead, that you give me a heart to desire the changes I need to make to become new. I ask you to remove from me the selfishness that blinds me to the pain I cause you with my behavior. I ask you to teach me to be truly, sincerely contrite for my sins. I ask you to help me to clearly see the damage I do when sinning, not only to myself, but to others as well. I love you, Lord, but I do not love you as much as I should. Please change my heart so that I can be ready to be made new.
Love, your daughter,
Brandy
P.S. Please help me to have perfect trust in you.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
REJOICE!
Today I received great news! Monsignor Duesman has given my husband permission to receive his sacraments at Easter Vigil this year!! How great is our God! I cried I was so happy when I heard the news.
It is my 16th day of praying the rosary, my 16th day of living out my New Year's resolutions ( I made 20 of them). Last night, after paying the rent, we put $200 in the bank. On Randy's recommendation, I kept out $49 in cash for emergencies. I resisted the temptation to eat out and took the time to fix soup instead. I resisted the temptation to buy a book on the lives of the saints and spent time writing instead.
Today I find myself resisting the temptation to spend money celebrating, as I know that would only ultimately lead to sorrow and guilt later. Truthfully, I intend to put the money into our account so that I am not tempted to spend what I do not have. I also packed myself a lunch for the same reason. I am learning how to walk in ways that keep me safely away from my tree of temptation so that in all things I may please the Lord more and more each day.
It is my 16th day of praying the rosary, my 16th day of living out my New Year's resolutions ( I made 20 of them). Last night, after paying the rent, we put $200 in the bank. On Randy's recommendation, I kept out $49 in cash for emergencies. I resisted the temptation to eat out and took the time to fix soup instead. I resisted the temptation to buy a book on the lives of the saints and spent time writing instead.
Today I find myself resisting the temptation to spend money celebrating, as I know that would only ultimately lead to sorrow and guilt later. Truthfully, I intend to put the money into our account so that I am not tempted to spend what I do not have. I also packed myself a lunch for the same reason. I am learning how to walk in ways that keep me safely away from my tree of temptation so that in all things I may please the Lord more and more each day.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Learning to Trust You
This morning, Ginger told me that she had put in for me to receive some additional money on my next check due to my willingness to be helpful with any project I'm given. I give all praise to God who is teaching me to have a true servant's heart and to be faithful in my work. She has no idea how much this extra will mean to us.
Today is my 15th day of keeping my New Year's resolutions. I have prayed the rosary each day, we have overdrafted the account only 5 times, eaten out only 3 times, I have only had 2 sodas, I have written an average of 175 words per night, and I have been progressing through the Preparation for Total Consecration again. We have also resisted taking out a new payday loan. I don't know how we will make ends meet, but I am trying to trust that God will provide for us. We are $2000 short of everything we need.
Today is my 15th day of keeping my New Year's resolutions. I have prayed the rosary each day, we have overdrafted the account only 5 times, eaten out only 3 times, I have only had 2 sodas, I have written an average of 175 words per night, and I have been progressing through the Preparation for Total Consecration again. We have also resisted taking out a new payday loan. I don't know how we will make ends meet, but I am trying to trust that God will provide for us. We are $2000 short of everything we need.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Pride and Humility
Last night I got a letter notifying me that one of my Christmas songs - A King Is Born - has been selected for a Director's Award (basically Honorable Mention) and is in the running for 1st or 2nd prize. I was excited. I hadn't won any prize money yet - just a ribbon - but at least it was recognition. They included a brochure offering a $20 rebate on the fees they charge to produce a professional song demo - between $200 and $500 per song - and a contract saying that I agree to give 5% royalties made back to them. Of course, when I showed Randy, his only comment was, "You do realize they are charging you money," like I can't read or am too stupid to comprehend what I do read.
No congratulations, no encouragement, no words of praise. I didn't say anything except, "I love you," and went to bed. I know he can't help himself. I do. I know he's going to do this every time. It's just part of who he is. I just wish it didn't have to hurt so much when he did it. I try to tell myself that this is God's way of humbling me, and I should be grateful for it, but it is a struggle. Perhaps that's my biggest clue that I still need to work on my pride. Were I humble enough to not to seek his admiration and approval, I would not then be so hurt when I did not find it.
No congratulations, no encouragement, no words of praise. I didn't say anything except, "I love you," and went to bed. I know he can't help himself. I do. I know he's going to do this every time. It's just part of who he is. I just wish it didn't have to hurt so much when he did it. I try to tell myself that this is God's way of humbling me, and I should be grateful for it, but it is a struggle. Perhaps that's my biggest clue that I still need to work on my pride. Were I humble enough to not to seek his admiration and approval, I would not then be so hurt when I did not find it.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
God Be Praised
This week is a very special week for me! My husband has told me he is ready to commit to being Catholic. What a huge difference a year has made. Even just a month ago he was telling me he would NEVER be Catholic and NEVER believe in God. It amazes me that there is a God who so loves us that, rather than allowing such things to build walls, he uses them as tools to move mountains. There is no joy in my heart to surpass this, for all is right in my world. He even asked me about how to become a deacon!
Monday, September 8, 2008
Amazing Grace
Well, it's been a long time since my last post in large part due to the fact that we lost internet access after struggling for a long time with financial problems (as mentioned in a previous post). A lot has happened since that time, and we have been experiencing God's grace in abundance!
First, Randy (my husband) has told me that he feels a desire to know God and to believe in God but he hasn't figured out whether that desire is coming from God or from a desire to please me. If he converts, he wants it to be because of God and not because of me. This is a relief on my part. He has begun to pray spontaneously at moments of stress and has also taken me to adoration on his own without any suggestion from me and then sat with me, asking God for answers in the presence of the Lord.
Second, we have been given a huge financial blessing by a CRHP sister of mine, which has given us hope that we may yet climb out of the financial hole in which we find ourselves. The bank has worked against us, though, and held the check she wrote causing 2 items to bounce which shouldn't have. Those two things were groceries and rent - costing us not only $70 in overdraft fees from our bank but incurring for us an additional $155 in overdraft fees and late fees from the grocery store and the apartment complex. These are the times when I grow very weary of working with nothing to show for it, as most of what I have gets eaten up by fees before I can claim it. These are also the moments when I am utterly convinced that CLASP (Comprehensive Life Achievement Skills Program) needs to be brought to fruition. Without comprehensive help to get out from underneath the circumstances that brought them to the point in their lives where they are, those in poverty simply cannot succeed. We cannot afford to neglect helping those in poverty, for in helping them we help ourselves.
On the brighter side of life, I discovered something I believe will ultimately prove to be the answer to many of our prayers: Limu. My husband, during adoration, prayed for the restoration of my health. I have many times prayed for his healing, as he has chronic back pain and is usually completely unable to sleep through the night without waking every two hours. I have also prayed for the way to get out of our financial mess not so that we might be able to own big fancy cars or buy a big fancy house, but so that I might use the money we make to help those in poverty climb out of it. I do want to own a large house, but only so that we have a place to offer to those in poverty until they can get back on their feet. At any rate, while I was at a church festival this weekend a gentleman stopped me to introduce me to a product he was selling. He told me how it had healed his back problems, given him the ability to sleep through the night, and the energy to do things he had never had the energy to do. His wife, who was working with him, told me how it had helped her to heal from a crushed pelvis and restored movement to joints which had stiffened after a car accident. Reading the literature, I saw the sheer list of things which this product can help with. It is an all-natural product derived from brown seaweed. It is God's gift to a world in need. Best of all, they are a new company and are looking for distributors to help them spread the word and make money doing it. I signed up and just today set up my website. You can check it out at http://discoverlimu.com/setmefree! For just $25 you can get a membership which allows you to purchase the product at a low cost. For $177 (including shipping) you can get your first case of 4 bottles – a 30 day supply for one person – and begin testing the product yourself. If you’re serious and have the money, though, you will want to spend the $399 (including shipping) for 3 cases which will give you product to use for 3 months plus 30 dvds to share with others about the way in which this business can change your life and your pocketbook.
I am also a distributor of Melalecua products, but I haven’t been active on that front at all even though I’ve been a member for a year. I think I should change this, since Melaleuca’s products actually really complement the Limu benefits. Melaleuca is, like The Limu Company, a wellness company focused on creating high quality, all-natural health products. They have a wide range of products from household cleaners to beauty products such as makeup and perfumes. I have tried many of the products and absolutely love them. To find out more about the health side you can visit http://www.livetotalwellness.com/brandymmiller and to learn more about Melaleuca, like The Limu Company, can help you build an income that allows you to live the lifestyle you’ve always wanted you can visit http://www.workathomeunited.com/brandymmiller . I think these two products, working in tandem, have a strong potential to lead us out of the problems we are facing and into a new life of health and wellness both financially and physically.
All in all, I must say that I do see God working in our lives and even this financially hardship is God's way of helping us to become better people.
First, Randy (my husband) has told me that he feels a desire to know God and to believe in God but he hasn't figured out whether that desire is coming from God or from a desire to please me. If he converts, he wants it to be because of God and not because of me. This is a relief on my part. He has begun to pray spontaneously at moments of stress and has also taken me to adoration on his own without any suggestion from me and then sat with me, asking God for answers in the presence of the Lord.
Second, we have been given a huge financial blessing by a CRHP sister of mine, which has given us hope that we may yet climb out of the financial hole in which we find ourselves. The bank has worked against us, though, and held the check she wrote causing 2 items to bounce which shouldn't have. Those two things were groceries and rent - costing us not only $70 in overdraft fees from our bank but incurring for us an additional $155 in overdraft fees and late fees from the grocery store and the apartment complex. These are the times when I grow very weary of working with nothing to show for it, as most of what I have gets eaten up by fees before I can claim it. These are also the moments when I am utterly convinced that CLASP (Comprehensive Life Achievement Skills Program) needs to be brought to fruition. Without comprehensive help to get out from underneath the circumstances that brought them to the point in their lives where they are, those in poverty simply cannot succeed. We cannot afford to neglect helping those in poverty, for in helping them we help ourselves.
On the brighter side of life, I discovered something I believe will ultimately prove to be the answer to many of our prayers: Limu. My husband, during adoration, prayed for the restoration of my health. I have many times prayed for his healing, as he has chronic back pain and is usually completely unable to sleep through the night without waking every two hours. I have also prayed for the way to get out of our financial mess not so that we might be able to own big fancy cars or buy a big fancy house, but so that I might use the money we make to help those in poverty climb out of it. I do want to own a large house, but only so that we have a place to offer to those in poverty until they can get back on their feet. At any rate, while I was at a church festival this weekend a gentleman stopped me to introduce me to a product he was selling. He told me how it had healed his back problems, given him the ability to sleep through the night, and the energy to do things he had never had the energy to do. His wife, who was working with him, told me how it had helped her to heal from a crushed pelvis and restored movement to joints which had stiffened after a car accident. Reading the literature, I saw the sheer list of things which this product can help with. It is an all-natural product derived from brown seaweed. It is God's gift to a world in need. Best of all, they are a new company and are looking for distributors to help them spread the word and make money doing it. I signed up and just today set up my website. You can check it out at http://discoverlimu.com/setmefree! For just $25 you can get a membership which allows you to purchase the product at a low cost. For $177 (including shipping) you can get your first case of 4 bottles – a 30 day supply for one person – and begin testing the product yourself. If you’re serious and have the money, though, you will want to spend the $399 (including shipping) for 3 cases which will give you product to use for 3 months plus 30 dvds to share with others about the way in which this business can change your life and your pocketbook.
I am also a distributor of Melalecua products, but I haven’t been active on that front at all even though I’ve been a member for a year. I think I should change this, since Melaleuca’s products actually really complement the Limu benefits. Melaleuca is, like The Limu Company, a wellness company focused on creating high quality, all-natural health products. They have a wide range of products from household cleaners to beauty products such as makeup and perfumes. I have tried many of the products and absolutely love them. To find out more about the health side you can visit http://www.livetotalwellness.com/brandymmiller and to learn more about Melaleuca, like The Limu Company, can help you build an income that allows you to live the lifestyle you’ve always wanted you can visit http://www.workathomeunited.com/brandymmiller . I think these two products, working in tandem, have a strong potential to lead us out of the problems we are facing and into a new life of health and wellness both financially and physically.
All in all, I must say that I do see God working in our lives and even this financially hardship is God's way of helping us to become better people.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
World Wide Marriage Encounter
I think I may have mentioned a time or two that my husband is as devout an atheist as I am a Catholic. We were married at a time in our lives when my faith was weak, and I wasn't too sure if God really did exist. I also didn't know whether to trust the Catholic Church's teachings or not, so I wasn't really all that interested in what they had to say. I left the Church in search of the truth. The nice thing about the truth is that it is testable. You can hold it up and under examination it will be as true now as it was the first time you encountered it. The more I tested it, the more I found that the Catholic Church really did hold the truth and that yes, there really is a God and He really does love us and He really does care what we do with our lives.
When I came back to the Church, my husband was less than ethusiastic to say the least. Suddenly there was a being in competition with him for first place in my life, and it wasn't a competition my husband could win as he was neither omnipotent nor all good nor all loving nor all powerful. As God became a larger part of my life, a part which my husband told me he didn't want to hear about and wasn't interested in, we had less common ground on which to stand and found ourselves growing further and further apart. The gap between us just seemed to great for us to cross.
I spent a LOT of time in prayer on this, as it hurt my heart to lose my best friend. I had, years before, asked him to go on a world wide marriage encounter weekend, but he wasn't interested in anything that had to do with God. This year, however, I got up the courage to just mention it to him. He said he thought he would give it a try if he weren' so new to the company (the encounter weekend was advertised for June) and unable to get that time off. I looked it up, there was a weekend in August, and we scheduled time to go.
I have never, ever, been a really patient person. I like my results yesterday, please. I have been no different in my prayer time, usually, expecting God to deliver sooner rather than later. This year He has been teaching me patience. For instance, back in January He promised me that August 8th my circumstances would change and prosperity would begin to wash over our family as it has never before done. He explained to me that I would have to go through a lot of hardship before we got there, as we were in need of a lot of work. We would have to start respecting our prosperity and gifts more, using them wisely instead of wasting them and transforming our hearts and minds so that when we got the prosperity it would be used to help others in need rather than being wasted on stupid stuff for ourselves. August 8th seemed a world away for me back then, but I trusted God to be true to me. He told me one of the reasons He takes so long to do things is that He's building for eternity, and that takes time. If he built it quicker, as I had asked, it wouldn't last.
In early March, during Adoration, I receive a message that my husband believes but is not ready to admit this either to himself or anyone else and to watch for changes in behavior as signs of this new belief. I marvel at this but I do indeed watch. He backed me up when I insisted that Eddie should go to Mass, practically forced my son to attend a Mission they had at church the week before Easter, but he refused to go to Mass with us.
Later that month, I am feeling very depressed and my husband agrees to go to Adoration with me as I want both his company and the company of Christ. The next month I forgot to schedule someone to take my place in Adoration while I am on retreat. Nobody I asked is able to do it for me. The morning of, in desperation, I turn to my husband and ask for him to go. He reluctantly agrees. He knows that he must be there the whole hour, and knows who it is he will be sitting with that day and how important this is to me. I do not know that whole weekend whether or not he has fulfilled my request, or if he stayed the whole hour, or if he left the Lord alone, but I put it in God's hands. Not only did my husband show up on time, stay the whole hour, and make certain Christ had two others with him before he left but he brought my son with him as well. I was floored.
Now, July 31st comes - just weeks before we're scheduled to go the encounter weekend, and I'm thinking to myself that I cannot handle another day of our empty marriage. My loneliness has just reached an absolute peak. Furthermore, I had learned a few months ago that an unbaptized person and a baptized person cannot have a sacramental marriage - even if the marriage is recognized by the church - as a sacramental marriage requires that both parties are baptized. This broke my heart. I had begun to despair that we would ever have the marriage I had dreamt of. I tried several times that day to write him a letter saying Good bye. Each time I, who love to write and do it so often, could not find the words to say. I put the letter away, figuring that perhaps this was the intervention of the holy spirit, and turned on Catholic radio to see if God might be trying to speak to me about this matter. Sure enough, every program was on marriage and relationships that day. That night as I worked with my sister Julie on Communique, I told her about my feelings of despair for our relationship. She encouraged me to stick with it, though I didn't really appreciate it at the time. I listened as another sister gave her witness that night, and she talked about some of her own marital struggles. I knew now God was telling me to hang in there and have faith both in my husband and in my God.
Saturday, August 2nd, I am sitting in Eucharistic Adoration just writing the small things which I hear God saying to me. He whispers to me that even if my husband should leave me, He will bring him back to me. I think that's a pretty odd thing, but I write it down and reflect on it. Monday, August 4th, and I decide to write my husband a letter. I tell my husband that if he wants to find out whether or not God is real, he should know all the ways in which God has protected our family from a major fall even though my husband is not thankful for the protection. I tell him also that I am praying that God stop protecting him so that he will see that God is real and, perhaps, on his knees find his way to God.
My husband is furious. He tells me he wants a divorce, that he no longer loves me. He says I've changed from the girl he married and he doesn't love the woman he's married to. I spend all night thinking, and in the morning write him another letter. I agree that I have changed, but I remind him of who I really was when he met me and how much he really didn't like the ways in which that girl hurt him, rejected him, treated him. I also explained to him that I was only praying for God to take away His protections because the only time I had ever seen my husband pray was when he was being crushed by adversity. I told him also that if prosperity would have the same effect for my husband, I would have been praying for that instead.
The next day I am furious. I am thinking of all kinds of letters to write the man. How dare he leave me! Heh. I'm so glad the Holy Spirit intervened, as it was a really busy day and I had no chance to write anything. Around 11 am I realize that my phone hasn't rung once. I check it, and it's off. I turn it on and there are four messages from my husband. One of which says "You have some valid points. We need to talk". We meet for lunch. He tells me that he will start going to Mass with us on Sunday and that I can try to convert him all I want as long as all of our conversations aren't about God. I agree.
The Friday of the weekend, neither of us know what to expect and we are both very nervous, but my husband is a ball of nerves. I try to reassure him that things will be fine. He's worried he'll be rejected by others because of his atheism, that we won't get to spend much time together, or that others will try to convert him. The weekend is like nothing we had expected, and in the process we begin to reconnect. Saturday, though, we fight because of my misinterpretation of something he said. I confess this to the priest, who reminds me to be more patient and more loving, and admonishes me to apologize for my part in the disagreement. I do , we make up, and by the time the weekend is finished, my husband has agreed to daily prayer in addition to weekly mass. We both walk out of the weekend feeling as if we have our spouses back, and are deeply in love and deeply committed with tools to help us communication and connect on a deeper level than ever before.
Since then, my husband has been faithful to his promise of daily prayer with me and the daily dialogue exercises recommended by the encounter weekend. He attended Mass. He has expressed a desire to get "a little" involved in the Church and has made suggestions on ways to change and improve the prayer I wrote for us. He has also suggested that we start a website to help other couples like us. I am amazed every day at the little changes I find happening, and the way in which God is clearly working to transform my husband. I know that things will be brighter in our future, and I hold great hope for each new day.
When I came back to the Church, my husband was less than ethusiastic to say the least. Suddenly there was a being in competition with him for first place in my life, and it wasn't a competition my husband could win as he was neither omnipotent nor all good nor all loving nor all powerful. As God became a larger part of my life, a part which my husband told me he didn't want to hear about and wasn't interested in, we had less common ground on which to stand and found ourselves growing further and further apart. The gap between us just seemed to great for us to cross.
I spent a LOT of time in prayer on this, as it hurt my heart to lose my best friend. I had, years before, asked him to go on a world wide marriage encounter weekend, but he wasn't interested in anything that had to do with God. This year, however, I got up the courage to just mention it to him. He said he thought he would give it a try if he weren' so new to the company (the encounter weekend was advertised for June) and unable to get that time off. I looked it up, there was a weekend in August, and we scheduled time to go.
I have never, ever, been a really patient person. I like my results yesterday, please. I have been no different in my prayer time, usually, expecting God to deliver sooner rather than later. This year He has been teaching me patience. For instance, back in January He promised me that August 8th my circumstances would change and prosperity would begin to wash over our family as it has never before done. He explained to me that I would have to go through a lot of hardship before we got there, as we were in need of a lot of work. We would have to start respecting our prosperity and gifts more, using them wisely instead of wasting them and transforming our hearts and minds so that when we got the prosperity it would be used to help others in need rather than being wasted on stupid stuff for ourselves. August 8th seemed a world away for me back then, but I trusted God to be true to me. He told me one of the reasons He takes so long to do things is that He's building for eternity, and that takes time. If he built it quicker, as I had asked, it wouldn't last.
In early March, during Adoration, I receive a message that my husband believes but is not ready to admit this either to himself or anyone else and to watch for changes in behavior as signs of this new belief. I marvel at this but I do indeed watch. He backed me up when I insisted that Eddie should go to Mass, practically forced my son to attend a Mission they had at church the week before Easter, but he refused to go to Mass with us.
Later that month, I am feeling very depressed and my husband agrees to go to Adoration with me as I want both his company and the company of Christ. The next month I forgot to schedule someone to take my place in Adoration while I am on retreat. Nobody I asked is able to do it for me. The morning of, in desperation, I turn to my husband and ask for him to go. He reluctantly agrees. He knows that he must be there the whole hour, and knows who it is he will be sitting with that day and how important this is to me. I do not know that whole weekend whether or not he has fulfilled my request, or if he stayed the whole hour, or if he left the Lord alone, but I put it in God's hands. Not only did my husband show up on time, stay the whole hour, and make certain Christ had two others with him before he left but he brought my son with him as well. I was floored.
Now, July 31st comes - just weeks before we're scheduled to go the encounter weekend, and I'm thinking to myself that I cannot handle another day of our empty marriage. My loneliness has just reached an absolute peak. Furthermore, I had learned a few months ago that an unbaptized person and a baptized person cannot have a sacramental marriage - even if the marriage is recognized by the church - as a sacramental marriage requires that both parties are baptized. This broke my heart. I had begun to despair that we would ever have the marriage I had dreamt of. I tried several times that day to write him a letter saying Good bye. Each time I, who love to write and do it so often, could not find the words to say. I put the letter away, figuring that perhaps this was the intervention of the holy spirit, and turned on Catholic radio to see if God might be trying to speak to me about this matter. Sure enough, every program was on marriage and relationships that day. That night as I worked with my sister Julie on Communique, I told her about my feelings of despair for our relationship. She encouraged me to stick with it, though I didn't really appreciate it at the time. I listened as another sister gave her witness that night, and she talked about some of her own marital struggles. I knew now God was telling me to hang in there and have faith both in my husband and in my God.
Saturday, August 2nd, I am sitting in Eucharistic Adoration just writing the small things which I hear God saying to me. He whispers to me that even if my husband should leave me, He will bring him back to me. I think that's a pretty odd thing, but I write it down and reflect on it. Monday, August 4th, and I decide to write my husband a letter. I tell my husband that if he wants to find out whether or not God is real, he should know all the ways in which God has protected our family from a major fall even though my husband is not thankful for the protection. I tell him also that I am praying that God stop protecting him so that he will see that God is real and, perhaps, on his knees find his way to God.
My husband is furious. He tells me he wants a divorce, that he no longer loves me. He says I've changed from the girl he married and he doesn't love the woman he's married to. I spend all night thinking, and in the morning write him another letter. I agree that I have changed, but I remind him of who I really was when he met me and how much he really didn't like the ways in which that girl hurt him, rejected him, treated him. I also explained to him that I was only praying for God to take away His protections because the only time I had ever seen my husband pray was when he was being crushed by adversity. I told him also that if prosperity would have the same effect for my husband, I would have been praying for that instead.
The next day I am furious. I am thinking of all kinds of letters to write the man. How dare he leave me! Heh. I'm so glad the Holy Spirit intervened, as it was a really busy day and I had no chance to write anything. Around 11 am I realize that my phone hasn't rung once. I check it, and it's off. I turn it on and there are four messages from my husband. One of which says "You have some valid points. We need to talk". We meet for lunch. He tells me that he will start going to Mass with us on Sunday and that I can try to convert him all I want as long as all of our conversations aren't about God. I agree.
The Friday of the weekend, neither of us know what to expect and we are both very nervous, but my husband is a ball of nerves. I try to reassure him that things will be fine. He's worried he'll be rejected by others because of his atheism, that we won't get to spend much time together, or that others will try to convert him. The weekend is like nothing we had expected, and in the process we begin to reconnect. Saturday, though, we fight because of my misinterpretation of something he said. I confess this to the priest, who reminds me to be more patient and more loving, and admonishes me to apologize for my part in the disagreement. I do , we make up, and by the time the weekend is finished, my husband has agreed to daily prayer in addition to weekly mass. We both walk out of the weekend feeling as if we have our spouses back, and are deeply in love and deeply committed with tools to help us communication and connect on a deeper level than ever before.
Since then, my husband has been faithful to his promise of daily prayer with me and the daily dialogue exercises recommended by the encounter weekend. He attended Mass. He has expressed a desire to get "a little" involved in the Church and has made suggestions on ways to change and improve the prayer I wrote for us. He has also suggested that we start a website to help other couples like us. I am amazed every day at the little changes I find happening, and the way in which God is clearly working to transform my husband. I know that things will be brighter in our future, and I hold great hope for each new day.
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