Last night I got a letter notifying me that one of my Christmas songs - A King Is Born - has been selected for a Director's Award (basically Honorable Mention) and is in the running for 1st or 2nd prize. I was excited. I hadn't won any prize money yet - just a ribbon - but at least it was recognition. They included a brochure offering a $20 rebate on the fees they charge to produce a professional song demo - between $200 and $500 per song - and a contract saying that I agree to give 5% royalties made back to them. Of course, when I showed Randy, his only comment was, "You do realize they are charging you money," like I can't read or am too stupid to comprehend what I do read.
No congratulations, no encouragement, no words of praise. I didn't say anything except, "I love you," and went to bed. I know he can't help himself. I do. I know he's going to do this every time. It's just part of who he is. I just wish it didn't have to hurt so much when he did it. I try to tell myself that this is God's way of humbling me, and I should be grateful for it, but it is a struggle. Perhaps that's my biggest clue that I still need to work on my pride. Were I humble enough to not to seek his admiration and approval, I would not then be so hurt when I did not find it.
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